upwrite.

how on earth did I miss this?

2012-02-07T00:07:00.004-06:00

I'm usually pretty up on the times.
TV times, at the very least.

So I have no clue how I missed this little gem.

I'm ~~a little~~ extremely embarrassed to say that, in the past two days, I've watched twelve hours. Thankfully, I'm all caught up now. I can stop being a glutton of beautiful, historical, British-accented drama.

But I simply adore all of it.
Except for the people and parts that I ~~hate~~ ~~loathe~~ abhor.

Also, is it just me, or are blonde haired boys in style? I feel like out of nowhere, every leading man is sporting light locks.

Sigh.
If you haven't watched it, do.
You'll just die of happiness. (Said in my best Mary accent. Grin.)

freedom in submission.

2011-10-27T00:34:00.001-05:00

Did you cringe a little at that title? It's ok if you did. I'll admit it's a scary word.

Submission.

Inclined or ready to submit; unresistant or humbly obedient.

I often resist.
My heart rarely holds the humility it should.
I ignore and disobey and fight for my way almost daily.

I'm far from submissive. Let's make that perfectly clear.

I am learning, though, that submission doesn't mean subjecting myself to chains. Oh no. Quite the opposite.

When I submit, I'm free.

When I release control of my life, I'm liberated to live life with open hands, equally grateful for what the Lord brings and what He takes away.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

When I come humbly before the Lord, I can trust that He will provide for me in His time and according to His goodness.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." I Peter 5:6

When my desire is to be obedient, He will make the way clear to me.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

And there is an overwhelming and invariable joy in obedience. This I've come to know well.

But there are two big places in my life where obedience has been lacking...and I can't fight God on them anymore.

My hands are open.

I want to obey.

I long to submit.

I'm writing a book.
Seriously.

I want to write. Many of you are aware of that. Hence...a blog. It wouldn't appear that I'm necessarily being disobedient in this area. However, I'm fully cognizant of the stories God has put in my heart that I've been refusing to tell.

Because of insecurity.
Because of doubt.
Because of fear.

None of which have any place in my life if I'm hidden in the Lord. And I am. Make no mistake.

I've resisted because it's scary, and choosing to be obedient doesn't scatter that fear. It's intimidating to walk through a bookstore and feel like my name doesn't belong on those shelves. It's discouraging to think that a story I pour my heart into may never be anything more than a manuscript--a stack of copy paper that's never read or understood or experienced. It's just as horrifying to think that people may actually read it. Autobiographical or not, my heart will be all over those pages. It's nerve-wracking.

But, I'll write it. And I'll trust that the God who authored salvation is the same God who was gracious to put these stories in my heart...and He'll be faithful to carry them where He wills.

I'm embracing the gifts God's given me to work with children in ministry.
(I'm bragging on the Lord here, y'all. Not myself by any means.)

I've been passively saying "no" in this area for years. Long years, mind you.

But I love little hearts, and it's about time I owned up to it. Life is better and faith is sweeter when you sit in a circle on the floor and listen, wide-eyed, to the stories of Christ. Seeing a little girl begin to develop a gentle, but valiant faith or a little man learn early that he has infinite strength and courage in the Lord challenges me like nothing else.

No one is more receptive to the beauty of the Gospel.
No one teaches me more about having full, joy-filled faith.

I want to love and serve little hearts...however and wherever God will have me do it.

_______________

I'm grateful for what He's placed in my hands.

I want to humbly please the Lord.

I pray that I submit to Him well.

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

Have you experienced stepping out in obedience? How did you trust?
Are there areas where you need to make that choice to submit?

known.

2011-10-04T09:06:00.003-05:00

Psalm 38:9

O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. (ESV)

All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. (NIV)

Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You. (Amplified)

Yesterday, in the middle of between-classes hustle and bustle, I sat on a bench with a new friend and she asked questions: How did you get here? How do you hear the Lord? Who is your family? They're simple questions that are rarely asked; and as I walked away from her, I felt so refreshed. Some encounters feel like a deep breath in, but this one felt like a deep breath let out. Like I got to let a little part of me out where it matters. Out where someone can hear it. Out where someone can know it.

It was a moment of conviction for me. How often do I stop in my whirlwind of a week to learn something new about a friend, let alone a stranger? How often do I ask those questions that trigger that heart feeling--that feeling that says, "This person is safe. This person wants to know you"? Rarely, to be honest. It's a thing I plan to work on, an area I want to grow. I want to be a story collector.

As I went through the rest of my day, I kept thinking, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you for that sweet moment of feeling known." But in an instant, I felt:

I know you. Have you forgotten that?

And the reality and truth of it sat me down for a moment. Because I had forgotten. This little, heavily significant truth had slipped from my mind and heart...and the absence of it was devastating.

The awakening was dizzying.

Our Father knows us. He formed us. He loves us. He hears us. He guides us. He saved us. He knows us.

What a sweet privilege that is. What a gift to be known and still loved by a God who is holy, loved by a God who is so unlike us--so infinitely above.

The past few seasons have (not actually been, but) felt empty for me. I felt left out of great things I was seeing the Lord do. I saw, what I thought were, perfect opportunities for the Lord to use gifts He gave me, but I was still left on the sideline. I watched as others served God the way I wanted to. It took a lot of prayer, a lot of redirected focus, and a lot of faith to get through those seasons. A lot of faith that my desires wouldn't be forgotten, that, when He saw fit, He'd call me into the game.

For one thing, I realized that I wasn't on the bench. I wasn't serving Him the way I thought I should have been, but He had places for me to work out my faith in other ways--ways I never would have dreamed; and I'm grateful for that. But...

In the past week, God has placed opportunities before me that I was not expecting. At all. Opportunities that are similar to the capacities I longed to be a part of before, only better. Only more perfect for me and where I am. Our Father is good like that, is he not?

I've found myself thinking, over and over, "How sweet that You know me, Father...that You remind me how deeply I'm known." I'm just about bursting with gratitude. It's bubbling over all over the place. There's a sweet little children's song that sings: Jesus knows me, this I love. Yes, Jesus. This I love.

*Below is a song that's so beautiful it makes me hurt. Almost literally.

winning team.

2011-09-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

I don't think there's any greater comfort than knowing you've got a team.

team: (n) definition in specific Hannah language: a core of people who provide constant support, be it encouraging, needfully critical, honest, or fun; the supporting actors in the movie of your life; the gems who, at the heart of it, you do your life with. syn: family, best friends, mentors, sisters, brothers, fabulous aunts, kindred spirits found on twitter, random girls found on a roommate listing who I couldn't do without

Ex: A. My momma told me on the phone a few nights ago, "Wherever you are, that's where I am with you." She didn't mean that wherever I was, whatever I was thinking, she would automatically agree and tell me I was right. She meant that wherever I was, whatever I was thinking or feeling, she'll meet me there.
B. My sweet sister sent me a text and said, "Pumpkin, I'm so sorry." Not hmm...get over it. Even if maybe I should have. Not sorry I'm busy. Although I can guarantee you she was. Instead she gave me room to feel and process and be hurt for a little bit, because sometimes that's just what a girl needs.

See what I mean?

I don't have a huge team, but I have a great one.
I wouldn't trade a single one of them.

Who's on your team? How have they ministered to you lately?!

all who are thirsty.

2011-09-09T21:56:00.005-05:00

Two weeks in Tanzania changed my life.

Really.

Because two weeks in Tanzania broke my heart for lost people.

I grew up being taught (taught very well, in fact) to have a heart for the lost. And I did--I thought.

I sold cookies to raise money for the Lottie Moon Christmas offering just as well as the next GA...ok...better ;) I knew it was good to tell people about Jesus. I celebrated when people came to know Him.

But I didn't need them to know God.
It didn't make me physically hurt to hear someone tell Him no.

But all that's changed.

My daddy and I came home from our two-week stint in Dar es Salaam exactly one month ago. There's a reason I haven't posted anything about the trip until now. I wanted to be sure that what I was experiencing wasn't just a high. I didn't want to get on here, blog from my measly little soapbox, and then have digital, eternal proof that I hadn't meant what I said. That I wasn't serious. That I was just as selfish as before, if not more.

Disclaimer--I did experience a spiritual high. You can't walk away from close to 3,000 salvations in two weeks and not be a little Jesus-drunk. To say the least. And I am still selfish. Let's just clear that up, in case you were confused ;)

But the heart shift is still here. The change stuck. The veil came off--and stayed off. I didn't pick it back up and hide behind it. It's still on a dirt road in Kisiwani. Figuratively, of course.

So, now.....*grin* I can tell you.

Tuesday morning, a little over a month ago, it was my first day to be left at my assigned church by myself. Alone. In Africa.

I was excited and anxious to see what the day would bring. I had spent the past few months begging the Lord to prepare hearts. I prayed that when people heard His name--just His name--that they would know He was the One they needed. He was what they'd been searching for.

My interpreter, Emmanuel, a church member named Ottoman (yes...like the thing you put your feet on.), and I set out for the day. We walked a couple miles to a different part of the village. Ottoman guaranteed me, in broken, slow, beautiful English that there would be people there ready to hear the Gospel. The first 5 or 6 people we spoke to, told us no. Flat out no. They pointed us in the direction of people who might listen, but they themselves just wouldn't have it.

I was discouraged. I was sure this day would be a bust. All that anticipation for nothing. I was trying to talk myself out of my full-on pity party, when we turned a corner and headed down a long, empty, dirt street. I looked up and scared my poor interpreter with how quickly I gasped.

A year ago, I read the book Thirsty by Amy Nappa, an in depth look at Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. When I was packing for the trip, I saw this book on my shelf and decided (for reasons I, of course, didn't realize then) to take it with me. I read it a bit on the plane. I read it the first few nights to decompress before I went to sleep. I read it and remembered how desperately the woman needed Jesus, how He met her where she needed Him most. She was thirsty.

I looked up that Tuesday morning and saw, right in front of me, in the middle of the street, five women gathering water at the well.

It took everything in me not to cry.
Alright, so I cried. But just a little.

We approached and I told them the story of Jesus speaking to the woman. I told them that He knew everything about her. I told them that He gave her the only thing she really needed.

As they listened, more people gathered. Our little group of five turned into fifty. The white girl who likes to stay quiet stuck right there in the middle.

I asked if they believed in God. The older woman who spoke for all of them said that yes, they believe in God.
I asked if they believed that Jesus is God's Son. She answered no.

We went back and forth on that for a while. I mean, a while. She gave me her "logic", I gave her Scripture. She argued and I pleaded. In a final attempt, I asked, "So none of you believe? None of you believe that Jesus is God's Son?"

She shook her head to say no, but four hands shot up around the circle. I pointed to a woman standing near me and asked, "You believe that Jesus is God's Son?!" Before she could even respond, the older woman--bless her heart--started babbling at me. Emmanuel explained that she was telling me again that she did not believe. In that moment, I had, graciously I hope, had enough. With every bit of fight I had in me, I looked right at her and said, "I know you do not believe. You told me that, and I will pray that you will believe--because unless you do, you can never receive His forgiveness. You can never be with God. But this woman believes, and I am talking to her. I am finished talking to you."

I could have fought with her and fought with her, but there was a choice in that moment. I could fight, or I could walk away from her and be a part of the work God was doing in those four young women. You may not like it, but I went with the latter.

I pray for that woman. Every day I pray for her. My heart literally aches that she stood face to face with the hope she needed and the security she lacked and still chose to say no. She is the Lord's and His truth has been planted in her.

Whether she likes it or not....*wink. He will not give up on her.

There were dozens and dozens like her. They just would not say yes to the Lord.
They were dying of thirst...and refused to drink.

And far more than I imagined, it physically hurt me to leave them.
I ache for them to know the God I know.
I need them to love the Lord I love.
I want them to find joy and delight in knowing they are His.

Many of you prayed for those two weeks in Tanzania, and I'm so thankful that you did. Your prayers were felt and realized constantly, but--dare I ask it? Please keep praying. Pray that the Lord will not let them forget the Truth they have heard. Pray that they will, at some point, see Jesus for the reality of what He is:

The only One who can quench their thirst.

love her when she's got your happy.

2011-07-19T20:37:00.000-05:00

It's been a tearful kind of day. Some days are like that--you just need a good cry.

I cried watching a tivo'd episode of The Bachelorette if that tells you anything. It should at least tell you that my tearful day has, perhaps, gone a little extreme.

The tears on my cheeks now, though, aren't the sappy kind. They aren't the hurt feeling kind or the angry kind.

They're the learning kind. The kind that say, "We're here to stain this moment on your memory. You won't soon forget this truth." The kind that roll down your cheeks as you nod and think, "It hurts, but it's so good to know."

Girls are mean to each other. So often. For the summer, I'm teaching third through sixth grade girls on Wednesday nights. A few weeks ago our lesson was: A girl after God's own heart...loves her friends at all times. It was the hardest lesson I've had to teach them. It's easy to say "Obey your parents" or "Serve your family", "Read your Bible" or "Share that you love Jesus"; but friends?...where could I even start?

Friendships have never been easy things for me. They're not easy any of us, I know, but in my life, they've been one of my biggest areas of hurt. How could I tell them the truth? How, with sparkly butterflies and zebra print walls, could I explain to them that their friends would hurt them? That the girls to whom they handed their secrets could possibly stab them in the back, use their weaknesses to hurt them, and worst of all--they could walk away, leaving them lonely, wounded, and vulnerable. How could I tell them that with all of that, they still need to love them?

Most of all, how could I tell them any of it...when I knew I'd never really been that friend?

We struggled through that lesson. I'm grateful beyond words that it's the Spirit who speaks--and not me--when it comes to those little girl hearts. The truths that we poured over have been sticking with me since that night weeks ago.

Tonight I was curled up on the couch, listening to a friend express her hurt feelings. A happy thing showed up in her life, a thing she really wanted, and another friend's jealousy was ruining it for her. That other friend's insecurities were making this sweet girl wonder if her happy thing was worth it...or if she should forget about it all together. I reminded her that this was a good thing--that she is allowed to be happy. We talked about being considerate of her friend's feelings, but that, honestly....the truth was, her friend was jealous. Her friend was insecure. Her friend was ruining this happy thing, because it was what she so desperately wanted.

The tears are with me now, because halfway through me boosting my friend's stomped feelings, I realized that I had the same attitude as her happy-killing friend. I hadn't voiced it. I hadn't said a word about it, but I wanted the happy thing. I didn't want her to have it. I was just as guilty of letting my jealousy and insecurity get in the way of her happy.

And there I heard it- the Truth in the moment.

"This is it, Hannah. This is where you love her. Not because it's fair. Not because you have your happy or you'll get your happy, but because this is your friend and she has her happy now...because you hurt when she hurts, and rejoice when she rejoices...because you choose to see her as more important than yourself."

I'm nodding. Tears streaming and eyes swelling. It hurts. It's true...and it's so good to know.

where are the words?

2011-04-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

I'd tell you all about how great Passion was....if I could.

But I can't.
I can't put it into words yet.
I've even opened my journal at least a dozen times...then closed it with yet another empty page, but a full heart.

Trust me. As soon as I can clearly explain it...you'll know!

perfectly lonely.

2011-03-24T01:04:00.000-05:00

I was doing so well.... :)

and then fell of the blogwagon. Seriously. Like deadweight.

To be completely honest, I've been spending a lot of time writing alone lately, a lot of time alone with the Lord, and, well....just a lot of time alone.

I've had an abundance of things to pray through as of late...things I've desperately wanted some guidance in. If I were in Houston, I could name off about 15 women - all ages - that I could call up. They'd drop whatever and meet me for coffee and there, over white coffee cups with designs swirled in the cream, we'd jump straight to the real talk. The deep stuff. The sometimes hard, but always good and rewarding stuff. We'd talk about our Father and His faithfulness. We'd talk about the hope and assurance we have in Him. We'd walk away, stepping forward in faith, not knowing all the answers, but being reminded that we never walk alone when we walk with our God.

But those women aren't here.

And I'm aching for them.

I like girl talk just as much as the next Bachelor junkie...but there's only so much shallow, he said/she said talk I can take.

I've met a lot of people. I haven't made a lot of friends.

In a letter my daddy sent me a couple years ago he said, "look for the one who needs a friend." He was right...it's better to seek and befriend than we weep and be friendless.

I've met countless girls who are opportunities to invest, to love, to encourage. They are open doors...and trust me, I'm going through......

But I'm missing the community. I'm missing the trust. I'm missing the talk.

The good kind.

The deep kind.

The hard kind.

The true kind.

The kind that's about Him.

He's doing a new thang.

2011-02-23T22:40:00.001-06:00

“Look at the nations and watch—
   and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
   that you would not believe,
   even if you were told."
Habakkuk 1:5 (NIV)

He's doing a new thang.
What exactly? Well I'll tell you.

The Lord is using college students to do big things in His name.
Passion conferences. Missions. Campus revivals.

And....

raising money with Breakaway to free children in India and Haiti.
If you read my last post you know the goal was $27,300.
As of Tuesday...with 2 more weeks to go...the current raised total is:

are you ready?

drumroll please....

hang in there...

it's worth it...................

ready?!

$45,000.

Yes. That much. $10,000 away from doubling the original goal.
This little bitty blog played a little part in that, and that makes me proud; because I'd hate for you to just read any of this and never be moved to action.

I'm so grateful to those who gave.
You've been a part of a new "something" God is doing.
What a blessing to give in His name!

**If anyone would still like to donate, go to Breakaway Ministries**

In Haiti. In India. In His name.

2011-02-09T00:57:00.002-06:00

Last night at Breakaway, Ben Stuart called our hearts and attention to two ministries:

As Our Own and Restavek Freedom Foundation.
(**you can also find more about As Our Own on their Facebook page**)

If you're unfamiliar with one or both of these great organizations, here's a little background.

As Our Own is an organization whose heart is to rescue girls who are born into the sex trade in the red light districts of India. The founder of As Our Own, Ralph Borde, along with his team, have followed the Lord's call to rescue these girls and raise them as their own, giving them an education, leading them to the Lord, protecting them....loving them.

For just $3,300 a girl can be rescued from a life of prostitution. For just $3,300 she can be free for life.

Our goal through Breakaway is to raise enough to offer freedom and a life of joy to five girls.

.....

Restavek Freedom Foundation is committed to freeing as many of the close to 300,000 children enslaved in child labor in Haiti as possible.

Restavek: {noun}
a child who stays with a person other than a biological parent; a domestic servant or slave; a border who is mistreated; a poor child from the country

In the aftermath of the tragedy in Haiti, many families, overwhelmed by poverty and the impossible need to provide for their children, have had to give their children away...either to other family members or other people in their communities. Unfortunately, this has led to an exorbitant number of children being used as slaves in Haiti. Restavek Freedom Foundation has committed to finding these children and fighting for their freedom and a chance at a better life. One of the biggest ways they can achieve this is by insuring that the children are able to attend schools...most of which are owned and operated by pastors and churches. These children are offered freedom from slavery...and introduced to true freedom from the captivity of the Enemy.

For just $360, one of these children can be freed.

Our goal through Breakaway is to raise enough for 30 of these children to be free.

.....

That's a collective goal of $27,300.

For 35 children to be free.

For 35 children to be loved.

For 35 children to encounter the Lord.

.....

We have about one month to raise these funds.

According to my site meter, there's around 700 of you on this blog in a month....and I'm thinking that together we can put at least a little dent in that $27,300.

I'm not asking you to leave a comment. Heaven forbid. ;) If I've ever asked you to come out of blurking and make your presence on this blog known, I am begging you now.

I'm not asking this for me. I'm asking for them.

And I'm asking for you.

At the end of this, at least 35 precious littles are going to be free, and you can be a part of that.

I know so many people who want to help...want to serve, want to give of themselves, but they just don't know where to do it. I'm wondering...if maybe you're one of those people. And if you are, this is the perfect place. Every cent that is sent in is going straight to rescuing these children, to offering them freedom, hope, and Life.

If there's anything I've learned, it's that God doesn't need me. He doesn't need my money, He doesn't need my talents. He does not need me. But. He wants me. He wants me to be a part of the work He is doing. And He wants you.

$200. $20. $2. It doesn't matter. The widow's mite was offering enough.

Pray about this. Pray for these children.

If the Lord is speaking to you to give towards our goal, there's an easy and convenient paypal donation button at the top, right-hand corner of this page.

I truly believe we can do some damage on this goal.

I dare you to show me--show YOU--how much you can really do!

Blog Challenge. Day Thirty. Don't judge me for my favorite song.

2011-02-06T17:42:00.000-06:00

Laugh if you must :)
The instructions said to post my favorite song...and this is the only one I've always loved. Since childhood. Seriously.

The Great Adventure
by Steven Curtis Chapman

Saddle up your horses

Started out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle try to make it better than the last

I opened up the Bible and I read about me
Said I'd been a prisoner and God's grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages it hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say "let's go"!

Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure

Come on get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion in a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for

We'll travel over, over mountains so high
We'll go through valleys below
Still through it all we'll find that
This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreams

Yeah... oh saddle up your horses... come on get ready to ride

Blog Challenge. Days Twenty-One through Twenty-Eight. I know, I know...

2011-01-29T14:07:00.000-06:00

In the past eight days, I remembered why I don't do blog challenges or Bible reading plans or one consistent devotional book.

I'm stubborn.
I don't like being told what to do. ;)

So twenty consecutive days of me following that blog challenge to a "t"...was impressive. Trust me.

But I'll make it up to you!

Day Twenty-One: A picture of something that makes you happy.

Going to get ice cream makes me oh so happy :)

Day Twenty-Two: What makes you different from someone else?

I cry way more than most people...and it's ok. It makes me, me.
Usually, I'd rather be alone than with other people.
I tell my family everything...way more than I tell anyone else.
I can remember everything. It's good and bad.

Day Twenty-Three: Something you crave a lot.

Ice. Cream. :)
And spaghetti.
There are lots of things I could live without...but those two have to stay!

Day Twenty-Four: A letter to your parents.

oh goodness...did I tell you I cry more than most? :)

Dear Daddy and Momma,
I love you both more than you know, more than I could adequately tell you. Thank you for being parents, so that now you're two of my best friends. You've taught me that faith means walking in obedience even without any answers. You've taught me to do what I know is right even when everyone thinks the wrong thing is acceptable. You taught me to give and not take: to look for people who need friends instead of waiting to be befriended, to look for a church where I can serve instead of one that caters to my needs. You listen and give wisdom. We have fun and laugh together. You want me to be myself....but the best way. Love you both! So much.

Day Twenty-Five: What you would find in my bag.

What wouldn't you find in my bag?

Wallet. Phone. Three kinds of gum. 19 bobby pins. 6 ponytail holders. 8 movie ticket stubs. An ESV pocket Bible. Headphones. 2 post-it stacks. 7 pens. Hand sanitizer. Lotion. Flossers. Water bottle. Random gift cards with unknown balances. Camera. Bandaids. And more...but that list is long enough :)

Day Twenty-Six: What do you think about your friends?

Well that's a stupid question. I love them!

I think my friends are beautiful. They're smart--they have good heads on their shoulders. They're more stunning than they realize and stronger than they give themselves credit for. They're dependable. They're fun. They listen well and love BIG.

Day Twenty-Seven: There is no day twenty-seven.....I guess that makes this a 29 day challenge :)

Day Twenty-Eight: A picture of you from last year, and one from this year. What's changed since then?

Last year.

This year.

Graduated. New school. New town.

I've learned how it feels to be really hurt....and how to better stand up for myself. I'm learning how to slow down, how to work hard and still have fun.

Pretty much, everything's changed.

Except for my hair.

Day Twenty-Nine: In this past month, what have you learned?

In the past month, I've re-learned why I love new starts. I've learned that a lot of what I've heard people tell me about myself lately...are all lies...and that distance from those people is a really good thing.

In the past month, I've learned that sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you look for a job, it's just going to take longer than expected to find one.

In the past month, I've learned my way around Texas A&M. I've learned that, with my new roommates, God blessed me far beyond what I asked of Him.

Next month should be good.

Blog Challenge. Day Twenty. Where do I begin?

2011-01-20T21:48:00.000-06:00

And by where do I begin...I mean where do I begin explaining how utterly stupid this day of the challenge is.

Honestly.

"Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future."

Well, since he's single now, can I go with Ryan Reynolds?

Joke.

I'm not going to pretend like I don't have a box of letters to "Mr. Hannah", as my sister affectionately calls him, but they're for him. And not for you ;)

Really though, I don't know who he is...or if he is. And I don't need to worry about it right now. Or bore you with it :)

I will leave you with this though: one of my favorite quotes from one of my heroes Anne Shirley. I'll claim this for my someday, one day man ;)

"Well, I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't."

*sigh*
Watch Anne of Green Gables...and the Sequel/Anne of Avonlea....and the Continuing Story.
They're not by the books but they will change your life.

Blog Challenge. Day Nineteen. What did you just call me?

2011-01-19T11:21:00.000-06:00

My Pa always called me Hannah Banana...and he had a poem that went with it.
After he passed away...I didn't like anyone calling me that, but it's a force that's difficult to stop, so I've gotten used to it.

My favorite littles call me Aunt Hannah.

Han. It's easy.

Just call me Bear. Or Hannah Bear. But Bear is shorter. I don't really know where that came from, but that's my name at home. :)

I love hearing sweet kiddos call me Miss Hannah.

And my daddy calls me Pumpkin when he's really in his daddy voice....that one's off limits.

Blog Challenge. Day Eighteen. "All my hopes and dreams, all my thoughts unseen....all my wants are found in You."

2011-01-18T21:14:00.000-06:00

I want to be a Godly wife and mother.

I want to write books.

That's really it.

100 things for 100 posts

2011-01-17T19:31:00.000-06:00

In 20--make that 19--posts, I will have done 100 posts!

As a celebration of this little blog and my little achievement, I'm doing a giveaway!!!

And trust me, you will want to be in on this. All you blurkers (blog+lurkers) are going to have to come out of hiding! ;)

I'm doing a box of 100. one hundred. Yes, one hundred things.

Some will be silly. Some will be flat out great.

100....is kind of a lot, so I need your help.

What do you want to see in this 100 posts box of amazing?!

Blog Challenge. Day Seventeen. Trade me spots?

2011-01-17T19:19:00.000-06:00

I would like- for a day- to trade spots with my *almost 2 yr old* nephew, Caleb.

The other day, I watched him roll around the floor, touch his nose to his knees, and laugh for absolutely no reason at all.

He gets to wear a t-shirt and diaper...and no one thinks it's weird.

He's a good-lookin' little baby.

He has an itty bitty dachshund puppy that follows him around.

It's a good life. ;)

Blog Challene. Day Sixteen. "If it's a picture of me you need, would you get to taking it..."

2011-01-16T14:20:00.000-06:00

he's the strong, silent type.

Siesta Scripture Memory Team!

2011-01-15T12:02:00.000-06:00

My verse #1 was:

Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. Hebrews 10:35 (ESV)

My verse #2 is:

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:2 (The Message)

And I finally caved and ordered my Siesta spiral.

Yes, I do have three empty index spirals, but it was only 5 dollars including shipping. And it's cute.
Biblical Bargain. How could I keep saying no?

For more information about joining SSMT, click here!

Blog Challenge. Day Fifteen. It's your turn to shuffle.

2011-01-15T11:46:00.000-06:00

First 10 songs shuffling through my iPod.

1. Cry Me A River...Michael Buble
2. He Would Tell You...Jonny Diaz
3. Your Love Is a Song...Switchfoot
4. Baby...Justin Bieber
5. Everytime We Touch...CASCADA
6. Moment Made For Worshipping...Steven Curtis Chapman
7. Cinderella...Steven Curtis Chapman
8. Hello Seattle...Owl City
9. Every Day...Rascal Flatts
10. The Things We Can and Cannot Keep...Alli Rogers

hm. there you go.

Halfway through this challenge!
I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Blog Challenge. Day Fourteen. Mi familia.

2011-01-14T23:55:00.000-06:00

almost all of us at my graduation in December.

Blog Challenge. Day Thirteen. Dear, someone who hurt me recently.

2011-01-13T17:47:00.000-06:00

Dear Unmentionable,

I was so upset.

Turns out, it's better this way.

Honestly,
Hannah

I'm about to be real.

2011-01-12T22:40:00.000-06:00

Can I get....just, really honest with you? I mean...can I just be real? Not cute or funny or witty. Not clever in hopes that you leave me an ego-boosting comment. Just stinkin' real? Because I need to.

So here goes....just know, I'm about to get really honest. If you don't think you can handle it, close the window now. Leave this blog and don't come back, because this is probably going to become a regular event.

Anyone still with me?

I really struggle with hearing talks from/ reading blogs of/ hearing about young women who talk endlessly about their singleness.

That sounds so mean. Doesn't it?

Honestly, it partly is mean. But let me try to explain the other part.

I am single. I have always been single. I have no reason to believe that I will be "un-single" any time soon.

Do I love that? No.
Is that the way I would choose my life to be going? No.
Am I disappointed by it frequently? Oh yes.

But it's ok.
I am ok.

I don't feel cheated because I don't have a boyfriend. I don't feel like God's obligated to bring me a man or take away my desire for a relationship. I get jealous. I get lonely. I pout around Valentine's as much as the next single girl...

But I am ok.

I guess my struggle comes in not understanding the need to broadcast it. (I get that I just told you, trust me....I almost didn't; but I couldn't be vague and really explain this.) So when I see/hear/read about it, I don't know....I get frustrated. But I hurt for them too. I don't understand why they need to bring attention to it. I hurt that they need to bring attention to it.

Does that make any sense? At all?

The point of all of this...I promise there is one.

I found a precious blog today. I'm not linking you to it because there were a couple of inappropriate posts...if you want to search for it, go ahead. But I won't own that. This blog, though, is a guy making short little posts of notes to his future wife. And it's darling.

So I googled to find a girl one...because of course there must be a blog of notes to a future husband...right?

Instead I found a blog called "My Husband is Annoying".

Seriously?
Sweet notes to his future mrs.
My husband is annoying.

What's going on?
That's not fair.

So what I really don't understand...is with this aching that women have to be dated and loved and married...and then there's blogs titled "My Husband is Annoying"...that's not right.

Can we agree to be women who are grateful for where we are?
Can we be grateful for our singleness? Grateful for our husbands?

Can we speak well of our men? And well of our time we spend beautifully alone with the Lord?

Did I lose you in my honesty?...I'm afraid I may have. But if you're still with me, what do think?
Are we confused together?

Blog Challenge. Day Twelve. What am I doing here?

2011-01-12T15:43:00.000-06:00

My friend Becky, who if you've been reading this blog for any time at all, you already know, told me one day that I needed a blog. I love to write and I want to write. I am a writer (you can't tell me any different), so she insisted that I needed a blog.

And she was right.

Blogging gives me the opportunity to test out my writing and get some feedback. It also keeps me in the writing habit...which I could so dreadfully fall out of if I weren't careful.

So that's why I'm here. What about you? Why do you blog?

And just because I'm curious ;) why are you reading?
How did you find this blog?

I'll meet you in the comments! ;)

(and for anyone that cares....I'm almost to twenty job applications. I'm not crying yet...but it's coming.)

Blog Challenge. Day Eleven. Maybe I should take more pictures.

2011-01-11T23:56:00.000-06:00

how about a picture of some of my favorite little friends?

there are too many things that I love about that picture.

and look at that, unpacking, organizing my room, and 9 job applications later, I'm all caught up on this blog challenge with time to spare! Whew! ;)

Blog Challenge. Day Ten. Play that music.

2011-01-11T23:49:00.000-06:00

the songs my heart sing when I'm:

happy.
Revolutionaries by Bethany Dillon.
"...dreaming all the time, it's not foolish. Your flood of life giving words, they will refresh..."
*when I'm at my absolute happiest, I feel like I can do anything...and this song so encourages that.

sad.
The Heart of Life by John Mayer.
"...there's things you need to hear, so turn off your tears and listen. pain throws your heart to the ground. love turns the whole thing around."
*sigh* so good.

bored.
Tracing by John Mayer
"...and if you want to know the moment I knew that I was still alone, I found I never learned your number, I'd only stored it in my phone. You'd think by now...I'd know the shape of calling home..."
*when I'm bored, I get to thinking. And this song gets me thinking.

hyped.
(I've Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
"....'cause I've had the time of my life, and I've searched through every open door...'til I found the truth, and I owe it all to you..."
*do I really need to say more? ;)

mad.
Ordinary People by Asher Book (from the Fame remake soundtrack)
"...We're just ordinary people and we don't know which way to go. We're just ordinary people...and maybe we should take it slow..."
*because his voice is fluid gorgeous...who could stay mad? ;)

don't turn me in!!!

2011-01-10T23:57:00.000-06:00

I'm not neglecting day ten of the blog challenge...I'm doing it!!

Tomorrow.

Because today, I moved into my new home (so tired I just combined new and home and typed hew. wow.) in College Station and I am exhausted. Clearly.

I was all ready for bed and realized that I lost a very special (to me) necklace that my daddy brought me from Africa. I racked my brain....I had thrown it away.

So I called home. At 11:30. I called my parents who were--for sure--asleep and begged them to look threw the bag of trash I'd put in the dumpster yesterday. I hung up. Five minutes later? My daddy called me back. He found it. He got up and went threw the trash. So that I could go to sleep.

I'm drained. So this is making me cry even more than normal.

I need sleep. Not blogging. Deep, sweet, new room sleep.
Goodnight, sweet friends. Sleep sweet. I'll see you tomorrow...but I'll leave you with my highs/lows from today.

Lows:
Load and unload. Gross.
That awful moment when I closed the front door after telling my parents goodbye, knowing they were going to get in the car and drive away.

High (but let's face it, emotional low):
Calling home to say goodnight and hearing my daddy say: (referring to my new room/apt) "I liked it....I didn't like leaving you in it."
And then I bawled. Like the 21yr old, hopelessly daddy's girl, baby that I am.

Blog Challenge. Day Nine. Baby, take a bow.

2011-01-09T19:38:00.001-06:00

Something I'm proud of in the past few days.

I'm proud of my nephew, Gideon. Who has the biggest heart and the best dance moves.
His heart of gold showed some serious love to a little boy at school this week...and this aunt's heart is so proud I could nearly bust.

I'm proud of me for forcing myself to be a logical thinker. Even when my natural self thinks anything but logically. I'll think emotionally next week, probably, but for now, a baby step is worth a bow.

How are you doing this week? Give yourself a little credit and brag some in the comments...go ahead, baby, take a bow ;)

Blog Challenge. Day Eight.: 3-pointers and Free Throws.

2011-01-08T14:11:00.000-06:00

My "Free Throw" goal for this month is to be a good student. I'm starting graduate school next Tuesday, so I think it's a little implied. Nevertheless, I want to do this with excellence; and it won't happen if I don't make a conscious decision to do it well.

My "2-pointer"...find a job. Next week. One that fits into my college student schedule but doesn't terribly wound my college graduate pride. Don't give me that look. It can happen. (Maybe taking on some humility would have been a better choice?)

"3-pointer"...Turn off the Houston's First Baptist webcast and find a College Station church. Realizing my overwhelming love for my home church also revealed how easy it would be for me to sit in my room, watch church on my computer, and miss out on real life, in person, 'let me hug you' community. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but it's a definite 3-pointer for me.

Buzzer shot. I want to be intentional in the relationships I'm about to start. I'm going to meet new people, have new roommates, new coworkers, new faces on the bus...and I want to be intentional with them. This. Month....not next semester. Now.

I like that these are short-term, month goals...and not a vision-cast for the whole year. That's too much for my head.
What are you hoping to accomplish this month? Let's help each other out!

Blog Challenge. Day Seven.: Would you take a word picture?

2011-01-07T21:54:00.000-06:00

Today is a picture of a person or place that has impacted your life.

But I don't have a picture of her.
So I'll paint her for you.

She had the shortest, poofiest, blondest old lady hair you'd ever seen.
She smiled so big that you could never see her eyes.
She was a public school teacher (granted our po-dunk jr. high was more like private school) but would pull me into her room between classes and pray for me when I was having a bad day.
When we read Jabberwocky, she had a giant costume head she would stick on the end of a yardstick and run around the room waving it in the air.
She had the sweetest, most gentle voice. But could raise it to deafening decibels when necessary.
She told us she'd missed class because she'd been diagnosed with leukemia like she'd been at a hair appointment.
When she passed away a year later, she was most upset that we would hurt for her....when she wouldn't be hurting at all.
She called us her babies, and at her funeral...her husband hugged us each so tightly that we knew he felt the same way.

She was magical.
She told me I could write. She was the very first one.
She was the kind of crazy-beautiful English teacher I long to be.

Can you see her? Oh, I hope you can.
She was beautiful.

I heart Houston's First.

2011-01-06T14:57:00.000-06:00

On August 26, 2007, as I walked through the doors of Houston's First Baptist Church for the very first time, I never could have known what enormous things He would do in me there. Really. Never could have dreamt it.

I'd woken up on my first Sunday in my dorm room at Houston Baptist University and, having never missed a Sunday of church unless death were possibly impending, I had to go. I just didn't know where.

My sister went to Texas A&M (whoop!) while Gregg Matte (pastor at HFBC) was leading Breakaway Ministries, so she had suggested that I try out Houston's First. I got online, wrote down directions, Sunday Bible Study information, got ready, and went.

I got overwhelmed. I drove there, parked, and got out of my car, but had no clue how to get to my class after that. Someone else probably would have thought, "Find the visitor's desk...find someone that looks like they work here...find a map." Those were not my thoughts.

I went to find a little old lady.

She was walking down the hall with a group of her little old friends, and when she looked at me and smiled, I smiled back and quickly said, "I'm lost." She waved goodbye to her group and took me right where I needed to go. Bless her...whoever she was. She took me to my family.

The HFBC College Community was my home for the next two years. I was stretched and asked tough questions there. I was pushed to pursue my relationship with Christ. Not my parents', not my pastor's...mine. I found friendships. I found a place to serve. I got my first job through that community. Through that job I met the Godly woman who would walk with me and shepherd(ess) me the through some rough growing up times and become so influential in my life. One Sunday morning led to so much....so much more than I thought possible.

August 26, 2007, walking alone and overwhelmed into that big building, I never would have dreamt that on December 17, 2010, navigating through crowds with my friend Brianna, bumping into a dozen people who hugged me and exchanged quick conversation on our way to our seats for the Christmas Celebration, she would say, "Girl. You are loved here."

I had to think about that....because she was right. I had walked in the door and not known a soul....but 3 1/2 years later, I was loved. I had a family away from my family. I had countless people, of all ages, who loved and cared for me and desired to see me make much of the Lord.

I am so grateful for each of them. I love them in my life. I love living alongside them and encouraging each other. Oh, I love them so.

And I'm leaving them. Not forever. But for a season. My heart hurts at just the thought.

Making plans for A&M, I was so excited and ready to go that I never even thought about the fact that I won't be here. I'm not sure when it hit...or how, but it came in full force.

Hopefully, I'll be back in less than two years. I'll be home and back with my family. In the meantime, I'm praying that I find a temporary home I love just as much.

As a parting ~~farewell~~ see you later, and to help you understand just why my love for HFBC is so great, here's some of my favorite things ;)

Hurt is welcome. One of my favorite things is that people are welcome and encouraged to talk about their hurts. Not in a pity party kind of way, but a "this is what's in my heart. these are my questions about it. this is what's causing me pain" kind of way. We're broken. We have hurts. We don't have to act like we've got it all together. We share our hurts...we share in each other's hurts...and healing comes.

Only Truth. You will not hear opinion taught from that pulpit. You will hear God's Word. No one else's.

Unmatched love for missions. Overseas. Homeless. Next door. Next state. Any missions.

Sunday Bible Study. Your Sunday Bible Study group is like your church within the church...it's the people you live life with and pray with and grow with and serve with and love.

The Houston Project. Every summer, we all participate in one great big, churchwide mission project right in our city. With HP sites at around 15 churches around Houston (with more sites added regularly), we come alongside churches around our city to help them facilitate Vacation Bible Schools, sports camps, youth programs and adult Bible studies. Then through the year, the Sunday Bible Study groups keep up with their HP church site to continue meeting needs and serving with that church. It's one big reach out to our community, but such a huge time of growth and unity within our own family. So. Good.

Open doors. Anyone is welcome. And welcomed. With open arms...literally. We're a huggy bunch.

Nothing is off limits. Any questions, any issues...are open for discussion. Bible Study leaders...ministers...small groups...certified Christian counselors...no matter what the topic, there's someone to listen and help you work through the issue and sort through the questions.

Same heart. Same mind. The staff, the leaders, the people.

...

First Family. It really is a family. I have brothers, sisters, spiritual mothers and fathers. We are for the Lord and for each other.

Itunes. Podcasts. Christmas Celebration albums. Live webcasts. So even if I'm not there...or you can't get there, we can still be a part.

Relevant. HFBC rightfully claims to be a Relevant, Biblical Community. Still sticking solely to truth in Scripture, we believe in meeting people where they are.

Swell. And by swell I mean fun. (Because I didn't have another 'F') We have fun together. And lots of it.

Tears. Are a regular event. I said we're a huggy bunch...but we're a tearful bunch too. And I LOVE that!

...

So what do you love about your church? I'd love to hear about your home, your family.
And if you're in the Houston area and you need one...well, you know where I'd recommend. ;)

Blog Challenge. Day Six.: What's a superhero?

2011-01-06T12:46:00.000-06:00

Not seriously. I know what superheroes are.

But I don't know who they are.

I've never been one to get into superheroes...or video games...I read books. Non-comic books.

In high school, a friend and I always said that our favorite superhero was Spiderman. Why you may ask?

Probably his crime-fighting vengeance or ability to climb walls or swing from skyscrapers, right?

Wrong.

Because Spiderman could kiss upside down.

Ridiculous.

Today, I'm throwing that away. I'm claiming that my favorite superhero is....

drumroll, please...

dun, duh, dun, DuuuUUUUUUun!!!

Bionic Bunny.

From Arthur....I went there.

The nerd that I am needed an equally nerdy superhero, and so I have found him. Oh, Bionic Bunny, where have you been all my life? (hehe *wink*)

Blog Challenge. Day Five.: Where have I been?

2011-01-05T12:38:00.000-06:00

I haven't been many places...but I have been to:

moldova.

A teeny-tiny country nestled between Romania and Ukraine, Moldova is the most centralized and concentrated hub for child trafficking. In a country that you can-and we did- drive across in one day, there are 69 registered orphanages. Partnering with Children's Emergency Relief International, in 2008 I served on a team from HBU to take winter boots for those sweet kids' feet and some Jesus love for their broken hearts. Between all of the teams, every orphanage was covered. Our team visited 12.

This is Maria. The day we visited her orphanage, there was a terrible ice storm. It took us most of the day just to drive. By the time we arrived, all of the children were asleep and we had to wake them all up to size them for shoes. She was so excited.

Bodan was my favorite. Out of the whole trip. If I could have just met one kid, it would have been him. He was at the same house as Maria. When I got to him, he was still half-asleep. I handed him his new socks to hold while I took off his old, worn-out shoes and holey socks. I took a pair of the new ones from his hands (they each got two) to put on his feet. He kept trying to give me the other pair, and when I finally helped him understand that they were his to keep, he got big tears in his sleepy eyes and gave me the biggest hug I've ever gotten. He was beside himself when he got his boots.

I haven't been many places...but Moldova was a good place to go. It was dirty and smelled horrible. I got a huge wart on my hand from touching all those feet. I got so sick halfway through and would jump out of bed in the morning and get dressed and be at the breakfast table before my team leader could tell me to go back to sleep. My eyes were opened to what it means to be the hands of Jesus. He is not physically, in-the-flesh on this earth. But He is in our flesh. His acts of washing feet and caring for the oppressed should not be lessened...but continued in exponential, far-reaching ways. I saw God provide boots in the perfect size.....when he had gone through our truck and counted our inventory so many times. He kept our van on the road when we spun out on the side of a mountain.

He did miracles for us. He did miracles in us.

Blog Challenge. Day Four.: Breakin' them habits.

2011-01-04T14:54:00.000-06:00

#4. What is one habit you wish you didn't have.

Gee. Where to begin? ;)

I miraculously stopped biting my nails this year...so I can't say that.

I think the number one habit I wish I didn't have is comparing myself to other people.

I do that regularly....very. regularly.

Something is wrong with me because they got asked to do something and I didn't.
She must hate me because she gives everyone else more attention.
I must not have as many friends as she does because she's prettier than I am.
He would never like me because he dated "her" and I'm nothing like her.
God, it would be better for you to use _____ because they're better at that than me.
I'm messing up somewhere because that person seems so much closer to the Lord than I feel.

stupid. insecure. useless comparing.

It's more than a habit. It's a crippling sin.

And I'm ready to be done with it.

Is it just me? Or are you maybe struggling with this too?
How do you stop yourself from comparing?

Blog Challenge. Day Three.: I can't pick just one.

2011-01-03T16:47:00.003-06:00

I'm supposed to post a picture of me and my friends, but that's a problem for me.

1. I don't have one picture of me with all of them.

2. I don't take a lot of pictures. (I hate that, I'm working on it!)

So here's just a few.

Lindsey and I are really bad at pictures.

one day sophomore year, Sarah and I skipped class and went to the science museum (nerds) and had mexican food and an amateur photo shoot in the park. Those were the long hair days. I miss them :(

Amanda, Brittany, and Lindsay.

Aubrey and Meredith.

(at the TAYLOR SWIFT concert where she ALMOST touched my finger. ha.)

Can't wait to get to College Station and get to see these girls all the time!

Blog Challenge. Day Two.: What's with that title?

2011-01-02T17:48:00.002-06:00

Day Two of this blog challenge asked me to explain my blog title...which used to be "One girl's world"...stupid. I didn't have a reason for that title...so I changed it.

an upwrite heart.

and yes, I know it's misspelled. ;)

I love to write. I want to write. Books and devotionals...textbooks, term papers...whatever. If it needs to be written, I want to write it. The Lord has put such a desire in me to write. I love it.

There's another thing I'm asking Him to give me. Another thing I'm begging Him to shape within me:

an upright heart.

He's not finished. Some days it seems like He hasn't started...more like I took His hard work and stepped on it; but slowly, carefully, painfully, and beautifully, He's piecing together a broken-and-healed, sometimes a little bumped up, always grateful testimony to Himself.

an upwrite heart.

Blog Challenge. Day One.: More than you wanted to know.

2011-01-01T15:01:00.001-06:00

(Photo by the lovely Sarah of Fish Lips Photography)

15 things.

1. I graduated from Houston Baptist University in Dec. 2010 with my B.A. in English/Writing

2. I'm starting my Master's in Education at Texas A&M in January!

3. I'm emotionally torn between my love for my Nook and my addiction to the smell of books.

4. I'm making myself fill up at least half of the journals I own before I buy another...this could be hard. This could potentially save me a lot of money ;)

5. I have a new, sick obsession with my Keurig. It's red. It's beautiful. It may or may not have a name.

6. As much as I love the city...I'm a country girl at heart. Open spaces. Trees. Friendly people. Sleeping on trampolines all summer. Small town love.

7. I have loved the Houston Astros...for as long as I can remember...but with Berkman settling in with the Cardinals...I'm controversially considering a switch.

8. I love baseball caps. Wearing them. Boys wearing them. Love.

9. I keep an old hymnal in my quiet/quality-time stack.

10. You've Got Mail and the complete Anne of Green Gables series have healing powers for me.

11. I like mismatched dishes, decorations, and people.

12. I love to write.

13. I would love to love to run.

14. I like to go to the movies by myself...not always...but occasionally.

15. I have such a soft spot for old things...people, books, southern gospel music, jewelry...I have an old soul :)

Day one complete!

Hope you're ringing in the new year beautifully!

What are some fun things about just you?

more like Seattle...less like Houston

2011-01-01T14:26:00.001-06:00

My blog friend, Missy, posted this great blog challenge that she got from her blog friend, Cara.

Day One- A recent picture of yourself and fifteen interesting facts.
Day Two- The meaning behind your blog name.
Day Three-A picture of you and your friends.
Day Four- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day Five- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day Six- Favorite super hero and why.
Day Seven- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day Eight- Short term goals for this month and why.
Day Nine- Something you’re proud of in the past few days.
Day Ten- Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.
Day Eleven- Another picture of you and your friends.
Day Twelve- How you found out about blogger and why you have one.
Day Thirteen- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day Fourteen- A picture of you and your family.
Day Fifteen- Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play.
Day Sixteen- Another picture of yourself.
Day Seventeen- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.
Day Eighteen- Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day Nineteen- Nicknames you have and why you have them.
Day Twenty- Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future.
Day Twenty one- A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day Twenty two- What makes you different from everyone else.
Day Twenty three- Something you crave for a lot.
Day Twenty four- A letter to your parents.
Day Twenty five- What I would find in your bag.
Day Twenty six- What do you think about your friends?
Day Twenty eight- A picture from you last year, and now. What has changed since then?
Day Twenty nine- In this past month, what have you learned?
Day Thirty- Your favorite song.

One of my new year's resolutions...which you'll be hearing about soon, is to become a better blogger. This looks like a great month of baby steps to get me to be more consistent. More like a steady, Seattle drizzle and less like sporadic Houston thunderstorms.

Anyone up for trying it with me?

have yourself a merry little Christmas...

2010-12-25T18:13:00.000-06:00

let your heart be light.

Hope your Christmas has been lovely, friends.

Take some time, as Pastor Gregg encouraged at Houston's First's candlelight service to ponder and praise as Mary did the birth of our sweet Savior.

Coming up...a post on why I'm so in love with my church! If you think yours is better, speak up now. I'm about to show it up ;)

sweet girl, I can't hold your hand...

2010-12-20T18:10:00.001-06:00

Where have I been, sweet blog friends?

I wish I could tell you I was on some secret mission in Spain. A mission trip to Africa. Maybe a study-abroad session in Greece?

No. None of those.

I had finals. Papers due. Graduation. Advising sessions and apartment hunting since I got into Texas A&M for grad school. Christmas festivities. Moving out. Moving home.

Not as exciting, but nevertheless, they've kept me from you.

I graduated on Saturday! Complete with family lunch and a party...but by the time I went to bed that night, I had a fever and an awful cough. Two days of high fevers, lots of kleenex, an exorbitant amount of sleep, two trips to the doctor's office, and one ridiculously long wait at the pharmacy find me here, curled up on the couch watching You've Got Mail and wondering about the probability of some wonderful man "coincidentally" happening upon my email address. A girl can dream right?...but I digress ;)

On our way out of the pharmacy, there was a younger woman in front of us with her two little boys. Her hands were full and when we got out the door I heard her say, "Get on my hip, guys!" The boys quickly found their spots on either side of her and stood so close, touching their shoulders to her hips as they walked. I was reminded of a day a couple years ago when I was running an errand at the mall and had a sweet little person with me. As we left one store to navigate the crowd to another, my hands were already full so I leaned over, looked straight in those eyes and said "I can't hold your hand right now. I need to you hold on to my sweater, ok?" A smile and nod later, we were on our way. Sweet little fingers gripped the edge of my sweater as we passed by people hurrying to do their shopping, reassuring me that I hadn't lost the most important package I had with me.

Watching that woman today, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe that's how it was for the woman in Luke 8.

(The Message)

On his return, Jesus was welcomed by a crowd. They were all there expecting him. A man came up, Jairus by name. He was president of the meeting place. He fell at Jesus' feet and begged him to come to his home because his twelve-year-old daughter, his only child, was dying. Jesus went with him, making his way through the pushing, jostling crowd.
In the crowd that day there was a woman who for twelve years had been afflicted with hemorrhages. She had spent every penny she had on doctors but not one had been able to help her. She slipped in from behind and touched the edge of Jesus' robe. At that very moment her hemorrhaging stopped. Jesus said, "Who touched me?"
When no one stepped forward, Peter said, "But Master, we've got crowds of people on our hands. Dozens have touched you."
Jesus insisted, "Someone touched me. I felt power discharging from me."
When the woman realized that she couldn't remain hidden, she knelt trembling before him. In front of all the people, she blurted out her story—why she touched him and how at that same moment she was healed.
Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"

I wonder if somehow she heard Jesus say, "Sweet daughter, I can't hold your hand right now. I need you to hold on to my robe....just that little touch, you'll be with me. Grab whatever you can reach--no matter how small."

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by God. Sometimes I can't wrap my mind...let alone my little hands around all that He is; but then I remember--I don't have to.

All I need is to reach out and grab the edge of his sweater...er...robe :) and I'll know how close He is.

dangit.

2010-10-27T01:00:00.000-05:00

a few hours ago I was all ready for bed.

I'd brushed my teeth, picked out clothes for Wednesday, washed my face. **first hint** If I have energy to do all THAT...there's no way I'm going to sleep. I usually make it through brushing my tee--and I'm a goner. So I got in bed, closed me eyes....nothing. Squeezed them shut....nada. Tried putting myself to sleep by practicing my poem memorization (surely that'll work)....nope.

Dangit.

So I moved to the living room, pulled out my laptop and wonder upon wonders.....checked facebook. A sweet friend was on so we chatted for a few minutes and her heart is completely broken right now. She's hurt and hurting for other people. She knows God's near but can't feel Him right now....I so know how that feels and I'm too far away to lay on the floor with her and cry it all out.

Dangit.

There's a song that I have been loving lately. Well....honestly, I don't even know that I love it, it's just had my attention. Every time my iPod's on I play it at least 3 times. So yes. I love it like I loved those wax candy lips at Halloween when I was little. Trust me...that's sayin' somethin'. Here's the lyrics. If you haven't heard it, you should look it up. It's good people...in song form.

"You Can Have Me"
by Sidewalk Prophets

If I saw You on the street

And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go?
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life?

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me
....

Dangit.

When did I get to be so unmoved by all of who I know God to be? When did I stop thinking He was worth everything I have? Everything I am?

I've been so convicted lately by the story of the rich young ruler in Matthew 19.

(ESV) And behold, a man came up to him, saying, "Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life? And he said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments." He said to him, "Which ones?" And Jesus said, "You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." The young man said to him, "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" Jesus said to him, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

(The Message) Another day, a man stopped Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"Jesus said, "Why do you question me about what's good? God is the One who is good. If you want to enter the life of God, just do what he tells you."The man asked, "What in particular?" Jesus said, "Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you do yourself."The young man said, "I've done all that. What's left?""If you want to give it all you've got," Jesus replied, "go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me."That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crest-fallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and he couldn't bear to let go.

I love that translation: "If you want to give it all you've got..."--But then the young man walked away, his actions screaming, "I don't want to give it all I've got...I'd rather keep my stuff. My position. My "supposed" security. I don't want to be like that young ruler. I don't want to come to Jesus, asking what He wants from me, then walk away because in my mind, my stuff's worth more than Him. I don't want to do that...but I do it. I do it all the time. I want to give this thing all I've got--but I just don't. I repeatedly walk away. My prayer that I say may be "you can have me"...but my heart is saying "Lord, you can have me as long as it fits into my plan and doesn't require me to be too uncomfortable or give up too much or really need to trust You at all."

Dangit.

I want that attitude of my heart to change. I want my prayer to change--the real prayer. I've written it down. Every day for the past few weeks. "Lord, you can have me. I want Your plan. I'm going with You. I want to trust You. I'll go where You go. You can have me."

You can have me.

It's a hard thing to pray...and some days I don't mean it. And He knows that. But He knows I want to...and I'm trusting He'll honor that. It's scary. I have a plan for myself all mapped out, and I'm handing that over.....opening myself up to whatever the heck He wants. I had the perfect idea for how to get a secure, financially stable, good job. I have stuff that I love and lots of stuff that I want. I know what I want my apartment to look like. I know what I want my kids names to be. I know what I want my husband to be like. I know where I want to be a year from now...ten years from now.

Thing is...if I say "You can have me," then He gets all of that, too.

But dangit, if anyone should get it, it's God.

So it's His.

All of it.

On the days I mean it and the days I don't.
When it makes sense to people and when they think I'm crazy.
When it makes sense to me and when I think I'm crazy.
Whether I love it or I hate it.
Both when I can see it's for my good and when I think He must be out to get me.

It's His.

God, You're good. You're You...and dangit, that's reason enough to say:

You can have me.

bike riding, Ikea arrows, and some fun questions...

2010-10-17T16:25:00.000-05:00

In March, I had a bike riding epiphany. I didn't know how and wanted to learn. (You can read about that here) So.....

Yesterday, with the help of my dad, sister, mom, four...um..."supportive" ;) nephews, and one brother-in-law waiting for me to fall (just kidding) I learned! Success! At 21, I learned to ride a bike. Better late than never.

...

I recently applied to a graduate school program and am patiently waiting...no. IMPATIENTLY waiting to hear what I will or will not be doing in January.
I was walking through a building today at a dedication reception with one of the girls from the office where I work. The event was semi-work related so we both had that nervous feeling where you feel like you should be doing something...so you don't have any clue what to do. We just had to wander around aimlessly (and pose for pictures for the Chronicle...you can look for me and Charlotte in the Faith Center dedication article!) I told her "I just want some arrows on the floor like at Ikea!"...metaphorical statement of the week!
I would really like for one of those arrows to be printed right smack on the top of an acceptance email. Lord, give me some Ikea arrows!

...

I've been away from you all for so long :(
I'm going to answer some questions for y'all and would love to hear your answers too!
I've missed y'all!

What's your favorite holiday and why?
Can I get a raise of hands for Christmas?! I love it! Especially when Christmas is on a Sunday...which will happen next year! I'm so excited! I remember one Christmas Sunday when I was really little that we all woke up and went to church and made Christmas pancakes for everyone...favorite Christmas ever.

Describe the best date you've ever been on?
mm...not applicable :) BUT...if I had to imagine the best date (which of course I have)...it would be ridiculously low-key. Dinner, where we'd catch each other up on everything. Then we'd grab coffee and go wander around a bookstore. Clearly, I'd like him to be a nerd just like me.

Which room in your house is your favorite?
Right now I live in a two-bedroom condo with five other girls...my favorite room is the bedroom I share with two of them. We all three like to shut the world out occasionally. That worked out well :)

How many kids do you want to have?
My friend Meredith and I always joke about how my dad once said I was going to have seven...7...SEVEN. I don't know about that, but I'd like a few :)

What is your favorite quote?
"God is God. Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to." -Elizabeth Elliot

What is the first thing you do when you get home from work?
I lay on my bed for about five minutes. Not a nap--just a few minutes to breathe :)

Do you like cold or hot weather?
I'm honestly crazy about both. I love how my skin feels when I'm out in the hot sun...and I love when I get to wear scarves and coats and bundle up!

Do you like your middle name?
Lane--yes! It's my mom's maiden name and I used to hate it...but I love it now!

*don't forget to leave me your answers!*

must. post. soon.

2010-09-28T23:00:00.000-05:00

I'm having blogging withdrawls.

Seriously.

I have soooo much to post.

And sooooo much homework.

I'll be back as soon as I can :)

expiration dates...

2010-08-13T17:46:00.000-05:00

I like to look at expiration dates.

Frankly, it's just a good precaution. Look at the expiration date...see what you'll be doing around that time.

If I'm thinking about buying some milk, but I'm going to be out of town when it expires or not around much between now and the expiration date, I don't get the milk.

If I have a coupon or a gift certificate but I know I'm not going to have the money to spend on anything by the expiration date, I give it away.

Get the picture?...expiration dates are important.

What I really like are long-term expiration dates. For instance:

My debit card.

The expiration date on my old debit card was June 2011. When I got that card in 2008, I looked at that expiration date and knew that in June of 2011 I would have just graduated college, be looking for a job, trying to squeeze in as many "real" summer moments as possible, and, of course, getting a new debit card.

Well, I lost that card. Threw it away actually.

Oops :)

The expiration date on my new debit card is September 2013. In September of 2013:

I have no idea what will be going on...

And that's a little scary.

my love/hate with scrabble...

2010-08-08T18:13:00.001-05:00

I love everything about Scrabble. I love the colors on the board. I love the way the letters feel. I love the old boards that fold in half. I love the new boards with raised dividers and a rotating base. I love the little letter stands. I love the the little pouch you draw your letters out of. I love that it has its own dictionary. It's a words game. I'm a words girl. I love Scrabble.

But.

I hate to play Scrabble.

My letters never add up to anything. I draw lame letters....like Q or three T's. I never get to play on those snazzy little "triple word score" squares. I always lose. I hate Scrabble.

...Change of subject. (but one that will make sense, I promise)...

My sister-from-another-mister, Becky, is going to pop any day! We're all counting down the days till we get to meet her sweet little girl, Karis!

This was one of her maternity pictures by Fish Lips Photography

I love Scrabble :)

he's canadian...as all the great ones are

2010-08-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

I currently live with 8...eight...EIGHT (just making sure you got that) other girls.

Let's just say we have.....quite the movie collection. No one needs to know the exact number of drawers or cd cases are full...it's really not important ;)

What is important, though, is that, collectively, we have the entire series of Friends on DVD.

No....we don't ever get anything done.

A few things you should know about me when it comes to Friends:

1. Monica gets on my last nerve.

2. I laugh way more than is probably normal.
(Seriously. I mean it's funny, so laughing is to be expected, but for some reason I just, sort of, let myself go when I watch Friends...I big laugh all through it)

3. Chandler is my favorite. Well, really, I guess Matthew Perry is my favorite.

a less than great awakening

2010-07-31T21:33:00.000-05:00

Jonathan Edwards, regarding his wife, Sarah Pierpont:

"They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is beloved of that Great Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this Great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight; and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him- that she expects after a while to be received up where he is to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her conduct; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this Great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness, and universal benevolence of mind; especially after this Great God has manifested himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her."

When Sarah Pierpont was thirteen years old, Jonathan Edwards observed her, in awe, from a distance. He saw in her innocence, honor, character, love for that Great Being, and total submission to Him. It was not until four years later that the two were married, but Edwards had recognized something significant in her: a heart and an attitude that, in his eyes, set her apart from the rest of the world. How out of place would Sarah be were she picked up from the fields of New Haven and plopped down in the middle of the Galleria? How appalled would Jonathan Edwards be to observe the people pushing past her? Can you imagine the look of disbelief on his face? Can you see the confusion?....Not at the technology or materialism, but just...the lack of substance. The lack of anything clearly good and honorable. I think poor John would pass out then and there.....then come-to and start up the Great Re-Awakening...Lord knows we could use it.

**I feel that I should pause here to say that I love the Galleria. I am in no way bashing that magical place or the people who frequent it....I'm just wondering what's missing. Now I can continue.**

Honor.

I heard a message today titled "Wisdom Works for Relationships". The text was Proverbs 3:5-6. You can find the podcast of that message here. There were main points about honor that he really hit on:

-Relating well to God defines all your other relationships
-Demonstrating honor builds healthy relationships
-Honor is to be shown but not sought
-Honor can be shown in practical ways (ex: love languages)
-Heading wisdom's warnings protects relationships
a few of those warnings are:
-Respect the allure of immorality
-Beware of hurtful words
-Always do more than your share (never assume the relationship is 50/50...you always give more. so do it on purpose)

But I think the most important thing I heard about honor was this:

Showing true honor comes from being a person of honor.

I don't think I know many people of honor. I don't know that I am a person of honor. I do a lot of things for selfish reasons. Sometimes I respect people because I have to...not because I want to. I make rude comments. I get angry. I'm not always honorable.

Honor is so rare that when we see it, we stop and stare at it for a while. Think of the last time you heard about a Marine rescuing a friend already killed in battle....that's strange to us, unthinkable. It's weird that someone would risk their own life for someone whose life is already gone. It's not common, but it is honor...

and we could use a little more of it.

Submission.

Don't get nervous.

It's a touchy subject and one that I'm not going to tackle.

At least not today :)

I just want to share with you the new perspective on submission I recently heard:

We always think of submission in the context of marriage, when really, the reason submission between husbands and wives is such an issue is because submission should have been in place in both of their lives before then.

We should submit to the people in our lives who can speak wisdom and truth for us.

What does that look like?

That means my parents, my sister, my sisters-who-aren't-actually-my-sisters, my friends, my other-mothers...in general the people I love that love me, get to counsel me. They, in their wisdom tell me what they think I should or should not do; and because I know that God has placed them specifically in my life, I open myself up to be positively influenced by them.

I submit to the position they have in my life.

I practice submitting to my husband. (Calm down, you know it's true)

I have a physical representation of what it is to submit to my God.

Wrappin' it up.

Sarah Pierpont radiated honor and submission. It was obvious in the way she carried herself and interacted with other people. Jonathan Edwards was able to look at her and say: She will honor and submit to me because she honors and submits to other people...and ultimately to the Lord. Those things were evident in her character.

So, yeah, I think Jonathan Edwards would be more than a little frustrated with us. We rarely show honor. We don't submit...we do what we want.

We seriously need some help.

growing pains...

2010-06-27T21:34:00.000-05:00

Gosh I'm bad at this. I was getting so much better....and then June practically killed me.

But I'm back. No worries :)

I'm a boss. Did I ever tell you that?

And I don't mean like "Dude...she's boss"....I mean I'm actually a boss. Like I have thirty daycamp counselors that report to...well, me...and, on average, 120 kids to worry about every day. I'm a boss.

And I don't like it.

Don't get me wrong...I'm so grateful to be where I am. It's a great opportunity and I'm learning a lot. The thing is, that's kind of the problem.

Lots of learning...means lots of....blah. That's the only word for it.

I have to be confrontational...disgusting.
I have to handle budgets and finances...gross.
I have to be nice when parents aren't...fantastic.
I can't hand off questions. I'm the one that gets handed questions...wonderful.
I have to be a grown-up...sick.

It's hard stuff this grown-up business.

I have a feeling the end result is going to be good. I'll like it. I'll be happy about that.

It's just the process I'm not so keen on.

Any tips for the transition into adulthood? I could use a little help :)

impossible to be a gentleman?

2010-05-29T22:29:00.000-05:00

I went to Target the other day...I can't remember why. There probably wasn't a reason, and seriously...do I really need one? ;)

Anywho....I walked up to the door. You know, the automatic sliding ones. This man is walking up at the same time, but instead of walking through the doors, he stops. I look at him with a bewildered look on my face, thinking "come on dude, the doors open for you." Turns out he wasn't crazy...just chivalrous...

He stopped, made a sweeping motion toward the door with his hand and said, "Here, let me get that door for you."

I laughed a little, said "thank you" and walked on in. Then from behind me I heard him say, to no one in particular...

"They make it impossible to be a gentleman anymore."

I literally stopped and looked back at him...he had moved on and wasn't even talking to me anymore, but I was so shocked and, literally, halted by what he said.

They make it impossible to be a gentleman anymore.

Really? Did society and technology and innovation take away their chances to be polite, chivalrous, and just...well, manly?

Doors open themselves.

Roadside assistance is a phone call away.

Valet's open car doors.

Movers lift heavy boxes.

The lady (or man...I can never tell) at Wal-Mart fixes my car.

So have we taken away their opportunities to serve us in those small but huge ways?

I think that, just maybe...we have.

Understand that I'm not justifying the selfish, stupid actions of guys who are flat out jerks. That's not ok....uncool....unattractive....stupid.

However.

A few months ago I heard Mrs. Beth :) talk about how just like it's the heart of every girl to be the heroine, the princess, the "it" girl in the happy ending...it's the heart of every boy and man to be the hero, to save the day, the hour...or even just the moment. So I'm wondering...

Are we stealing their chances?

Of course guys can still get creative and find a way...but here's my question:

In all of our technological progress, are we pushing away the possibility of an uprising of strong, Godly, servant-hearted men?

My mind and heart have been reeling about this for days...so, your thoughts-

Share them with me :)

21 years...He's been here all along

2010-05-15T11:34:00.000-05:00

I turn 21 on Tuesday!!! And since I'll be having a wonderful time with my sister on our visit with our fabulous Aunt Laurie, along with other family birthday festivities...I figured I ought to do this post early.

Thinking about birthdays and growing up and a new age has had me reflecting a lot on all that God's brought be through and blessed me with in my life...21 of which, I'll share with you ;)

1. He brought me through years of sinus infections, steroids, and surgeries to be functionally healthy and ultimately...alive!

2. He spoke to me through a talking donut.

It's cheesy, but I was little...and thus began my journey with Him...we've moved on from the donut :)

3. I somehow survived that awkward time in elementary school where all the kids hated me because I always won the spelling bees. It was a very traumatic time for me...LOTS of tears and prayer!

4. He pursued endlessly a real relationship with me...all the way to Friona (the middle of nowhere), where I was all alone and finally found a friend and Father in Him.

5. He introduced me to freedom through being held hostage. He proved Himself faithful on every promise He'd ever made me and showed me the importance of other people's opportunity to put their faith in Him.

6. He taught me to trust Him by not giving me my scholarship. Then gave it to me anyway...just because He can.

7. He blessed me with the perfect roommate my freshman year.

8. He gave me Tuesday night Bible study with my sweet sister.

9. Nieces and nephews...'nough said :)

10. He gave me parents I can talk to about anything.

11. He gave me a Daddy who doesn't complicate my view of God as my Father, but rather enhances it and makes it that much easier to trust and love Him.

12. He's put stories in my heart that I can't get down on paper fast enough...I cannot wait to communicate the reality of His love through fiction!

13. He's taught me how to let go of some people to make room for others.

14. He's made me fall in love with Africa without even going...who knows what He'll do when I'm actually there!?

15. He's built my resume for me...dropping opportunity after opportunity right in my lap

16. He led me to the worst internship ever....but taught me more about church ministry and serving youth than I ever would have learned anywhere else.

17. He's put people in my life that speak truth.

18. He's made things difficult, but worth working for

19. He's pushed me

20. He's pursued me

21. He's never left me alone

That's just a short list! These 21 years have been a whirlwind with Him, and I don't expect the next 21 to be any easier or calmer...and I wouldn't want them to be! I can't wait to see what these next years will bring. Do what You want, Lord. Shake things up! I'll hold on for the ride...

a moment of social incompetence...

2010-05-05T17:28:00.000-05:00

Today I suffered from a very...very awkward embarrassing moment.

Let's just say my social skills in dealing with the opposite sex are....sub-par.

It may not have been awkward for the other person...

but it was certainly uncomfortable for me.

So much so, that I afterwards walked to my car and threw a fit similar to the one Ryan Reynolds throws in Just Friends....

It's done now, and all I can do about is groan and laugh. So you may as well get a giggle out of it!

Enjoy :)

(the first half of this video is irrelevant to my situation. the fit in the car, however, is pretty spot on)

When God closes a door.....it's closed.

2010-04-26T18:43:00.000-05:00

I was talking today with a friend of mine that's a freshman. She was telling me about how much she's grown and...well, grown up in the past year. She added that that was probably ridiculous and sounded stupid, but I assured her that it didn't. It was absolutely true. Granted she's going to do a lot more changing before she dons that cap and gown, but freshman year is probably where the biggest...or at least most shocking change happens.

My pastor's been preaching through Genesis since last fall, and one of the things that has stuck out the most to me in this series was something he said about the story of Noah. When Noah and his family boarded the ark, God shut the door behind them. One question we were urged to ask ourselves was this:

Do I trust God enough to be okay when He closes a door?

That question stuck with me...and stuck with me....and is sticking with me. It's been my prayer since then that God would make me okay with closed doors. It hasn't been easy, but He's done it.

I was certain I was going to seminary in January...He closed that door.

I was sure I was going to apply for and be a part of my school's REC team for the summer...but He closed that door.

I've been holding on for dear life to people and situations...and He's closed those doors.

And in every situation, it's been okay. I've been okay. Now, believe me, there are other doors He's closed in this process that I've not been so okay with; but 3 out of 5...or 7....or 10...isn't bad :) it's improvement!

So I was talking to this sweet girl today and explaining some of the changes I've experienced through my time in college, telling her how all of those changes, hard as they may have been were worth it. Sure, I had to let some things go. I had to say goodbye to some people, but at the end of it, I'm a better me...and I'd much rather accept the changes than be stuck with who I was...

Her poor face, she looked horrified. Her eyes got big and she shook her head and said "Oh Hannah, I can't do that!" I quickly assured her that my changes aren't going to be her changes...we're different people...but I also assured her that whatever changes she does experience, we serve a God that's gracious enough to prepare us for them...a God so great that, when we ask Him....

He'll even make us okay with closed doors.

I had a breakthrough.

2010-04-22T00:05:00.000-05:00

Last night, I opened my mouth and said exactly what I needed to say.

And people actually listened.

I would have preferred for there to have been less chin-quivering on my part, but all in all, it was a good first attempt.

In other news, this is why my Daddy couldn't fly to Togo on Monday....and why his mission group of 25 people in Malawi can't come home. Please pray that these 25 people, along with the thousands of others stuck wherever they are, can get home to their jobs and families soon.
As my pastor said on Sunday, when has anything in Iceland ever affected the whole world?!

Rainy days and puddles. Real and figurative.

2010-04-19T23:24:00.000-05:00

It rained Sunday...and it was wonderful.
I sat in my room with all the lights off, blinds open, curled up with a big soft blanket, and watched You've Got Mail. I was an absolute and total girl. It was great.

Now though, parts of my campus are very swamp-like...but it's ok! I just slip my rainboots on and deal with it. If it means I get a cozy Sunday afternoon, I'll gladly take the puddles the next day.

I've been having a difficult time opening up to people lately. It's not that I don't have things to say or don't want to say them. That's really not it. There are things pressing on my heart that are in desperate need of some deference. The problem...is that in the past few months, every time I've opened my mouth I've gotten shut down, rejected, insulted, judged, laughed at, ignored, or worse: I haven't gotten any response at all.

**disclaimer: I am in no way saying that I need every word out of my mouth to be recognized. I don't need someone to praise what I say or hang on every word. That's not it at all. Please don't misunderstand. This is not a pity party about how I feel alone in the world. I'm far from alone. I don't need someone to hold my hand every second. I don't need to always be right or get encouragement. However, I so long for my words to be valued. Even if my words are wrong, I'd just like someone to want to listen when I speak...even if they don't agree. Am I alone in that?...maybe so.

I think the bigger issue is this: I feel that if my words aren't valued, then I'm not valued; and since my words aren't being valued, then it's obvious that I'm not either.

Is that absolutely ridiculous....

Yes it is. I'm aware of that.

Does that knowledge make it feel any better...

No.

This is a puddle. I've had good rainy days, and they've been wonderful...

But this is definitely a puddle, and I have to be willing to take them both.

If only a pair of rainboots could fix this too ;)

I'm being converted...

2010-04-18T21:56:00.000-05:00

So you've already read that I'll be switching to the iPhone soon and I am so excited!

But today I found out that Apple just released the new Macbook Pro and it is....UHmazing!

I'm smitten :)

My laptop is about to get the boot.

Conveniently, it's about to die anyway.......so........it works out! ;)

This LG/Dell girl is about to go all Apple!

Happy Birthday Becky!

2010-04-14T23:11:00.000-05:00

Today is my "big sister" Becky's birthday! And to celebrate her day here's 10 reasons why I love her!

1. You listened to everything I ever talked to you about when I sat on the comfy couch in your office.
2. You taught me how to flirt...I'll forever be indebted to you for that ;)
3. You say exactly what you need to say...in the nicest way possible
4. You shared your house, and more specifically, your bathroom with me
5. You helped me grow up...really. From day one when I was so nervous for my interview with you, to now...I'm not the same person and you had a big part in that
6. You taught me how to make sweet potato fries....and NOT cut off a finger :)
7. You love a good IHOP date!
8. You like Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus music ;)
9. You're a book/Bible study nerd...basically we're kindred spirits
10. You got me to start blogging! ;)

Happy Birthday Becky! I love you!...those are just 10 of the reasons :)

hello to my new followers...I'm so glad you're here!

2010-04-13T01:08:00.000-05:00

First of all, I would like to say "hello" and "welcome" to my lovely new followers...mmhmm...you. I'm so, so glad you're here!

Second, today marks the start of the second season of Glee! I'm beyond excited!
Who doesn't want to watch the ins and outs of a high school glee club?...ok, maybe you don't want to....but...I do. And I'll enjoy every minute of it :)

And last, but certainly *I won a contest* not least, I won a contest ;)
My university's English/Writing department holds an annual writing contest. Students can enter either a fiction piece or a collection of three poems. Poetry is....not my thing. Fiction, on the other hand, is what I love. I entered a story I've been working on for the past year. To say that I am in love with this story would be an understatement. I'm no where near finished and the finished product will hopefully one day be found on a shelf in my favorite Barnes & Noble (I hope you'll all be the first to buy one *wink*), but for now, what I have finished was enough to enter. Obviously, since I love this story so much, I was so nervous. But I found out today that I won! I got first place! And my prize gets me so much closer to my next month purchase of.....
Yes, I will be one of those people...and I'm absolutely fine with that ;)

the top 10 reasons I love Matt Damon

2010-03-27T00:46:00.000-05:00

****Disclaimer: Yes, I am, in fact a creeper. I know far too many facts about Matt Damon...only ten of which will I actually list here. Oh and, Matt, if you read this, I really think I might actually be your biggest fan...minus the stalkers. Under all the stalkers, I'm your #1 fan.****

10. he somehow managed to maintain credibility after this cheesily posed movie cover.9. he is....well....Matt Damon.
'Nough said.

8. He dropped out of Harvard 12 credits short of graduating to pursue acting...risky move, but he knew his place. Some would call it foolish...but he stopped wasting time doing something that wasn't right for him, and I totally give him points for that!

7. In 2007, People magazine named him their Sexiest Man Alive....
...for obvious reasons

6. He's a Sox fan.
If I didn't live in Houston, I would be a Sox fan...and then Matt and I would cheer at games together....it could happen

5. He starred in the film version of All the Pretty Horses which was, without a doubt, one of the most influential books I read in high school...and probably ever. It's not the most moral piece of literature...but it's all about choices, consequences, and coming of age...

4. He and Ben Afleck have been best friends for.ev.er.
Take a moment to shamelessly *giggle* and *aawwww* here. Really, it's ok. They're adorable.

3. He's married to a woman no one's ever heard of. She was a bartender in Miami and they got married in 2005 in New York City's City Hall. No scandal. No tabloid mess. Just married with three little girls (one from her previous relationship). Just Matt and all his girls :) I love it!
In an ideal world, I would be their #1 babysitter....this too, could happen

2. "You've given an aging suburban dad the ego-boost of a lifetime."...his response to being named 2007 People's Sexiest Man Alive. And then I melted...and smiled for about a week. He has to be one of the most humble actors out there. Here's a few more things he's said... :)

"Ask anybody on the street which actors starred in the "Ocean's" movies, and they'll tell you it was George [Clooney] and Brad [Pitt]. I'm 'support' in "Ocean's." As I was in "Saving Private Ryan" - Tom [Hanks] carried that movie. You could accuse me of piggybacking on other people's brilliance more than anything."

"If anybody wanted to photograph my life, they'd get bored in a day. "Here's Matt at home learning his lines. Here's Matt researching in aisle six of his local library". A few hours of that and they'd go home."

"I'd love to be a dad. I hope I'd be great at it. That's every man's fear, yet his most important job."

Adorable.

1. Does it really need any explanation?
So yes, I am pathetic, and do, indeed, love Matt Damon. And despite every negative thing I heard, really liked Green Zone and really can't wait to watch him in the remake of True Grit!

I'm officially hopeless. ;)

I just can't harmonize....but maybe I can be a harmony

2010-03-25T02:02:00.001-05:00

I can't harmonize.

I can't.

I would love to have that talent. I think harmonies are beautiful...gorgeous...and I am ridiculously jealous of people that can pick out harmonies for any song. So jealous.

But I just can't do it.

Maybe it's because I was always a Soprano in choir and we basically always sang the melody.

Maybe it's because I've always been in Baptist churches where the melody's all you can hear.

Whatever the reason....I just can't harmonize.

I was reading the little info booklet in a cd today (I always read those...the whole thing), and this is what I found:

Kelsey Taylor laid her sacred harmonies down in every song.

Laid down her sacred harmonies.

Never. And I mean never. Have I wanted to be able to harmonize more than I did in that moment.

I just sat there thinking..."I wish someone could say that about me...that she laid down her sacred harmonies"...if only....

and then....

I got it :)

I cannot harmonize. I can't. It's never going to happen.

But I can be a harmony:

"the simultaneous combination of tones, especially when blended into chords pleasing to the ear"

My life can either be a beautiful harmony to the bigger, more beautiful thing God is doing...or I can be a mess of noise that totally throws it off.

I want to surrender my life in a way that complements who God is, what He's doing, the story of salvation, the testimony of His work in my life, the proof that He's real, the evidence of His hand, His power, His love, His truth.

I don't want people to look at my life and think "that's a pretty song" (metaphorically, of course)...I want people to see instead that I'm just a little, tiny part the much bigger, beautiful, exquisite symphony that is our Savior.

I so want to one day hear my Father say:

Hannah laid her sacred harmonies down in every song.

Laid down her sacred harmonies.

I really. truly. just can't harmonize....but maybe, just maybe :)

I can be a harmony

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. Hebrews 13:15

Every sandal has a story.

2010-03-22T10:15:00.000-05:00

Hello my name is Hannah and I'm one of the newest ambassadors of an amazing company called Sseko Designs! :)

Through Sseko, you can purchase a pair of pretty adorable sandals and help fund the education of a girl in Uganda. How cool is that? Fashion conscious. Social Justice. All in one.

These girls....(minus the white one...that's our fab leader, Liz) ;)
make...
these sandals...
so people like you...(yes you)...can buy a pair....look fabulous like this...
and help those girls go here...so they can be leaders in their community and part of the change in their country!

Girls are a part of the Sseko program for nine months before they go on to school and more girls take their place. These young women will not be making sandals forever. They will go on to be teachers, lawyers, social workers, doctors, writers, and more. They will help bring change and unification to a country wrecked by poverty and war.

Who doesn't want to be a part of that? You can be a part of these girls' stories! How?...

-by ordering your own pair of Ssekos! :) (with as many interchangeable straps as you want. It's like 5 pairs in one!)
-by hosting a house party (like an Avon party...but with shoes!)
-or by helping me pair up with local events or concerts to get more people informed/involved with Sseko!

If you have any questions/suggestions or if you'd like to host a house party, just let me know!

Cheers,
Your lovely neighborhood Sseko Ambassador

Riding a Bike...and my Summer Song

2010-03-19T22:12:00.001-05:00

I want to learn how to ride a bicycle. (I also want to learn to crochet, but that's another post entirely)

I don't know how and I want to learn.

When I was younger I had balance issues, partly because of health issues and partly because well...I have balance issues.

Anyway...I have recently re-fallen in love with the song "Put Your Records On" by Corinne Bailey Rae.

See....now I want to learn how to ride a bicycle...so me and all my friends can ride around singing this song and looking absolutely adorable. ....it could happen...

Bike-riding or not though, this song just makes me happy. It puts me in a summer mood and gives me the urge to drive around with my windows down, big sunglasses on, with the song blaring and on repeat. I may or may not have done that today ;)

blurkers.....show yourselves

2010-03-09T11:27:00.000-06:00

Ok....I need some new blogs to read.

I love the ones I read now, I just need to expand my reading list :)

So if you're a blurker, I would like to blurk you back. I think it's only fair.

And if you are a fully identified, comment leaving, following friend, I want to hear about your favorite blogs too!

***

And here's a few updates.

-There are only 6....yes, SIX! sleeps until my bestie is here. I'm getting impatient.

-It's only Tuesday....is that possible?

-The air is so thick in Houston today....I seriously need gills.

-One of the older ladies in my office told me she can tell I'm losing weight. Um....PTL. I knew I felt better, but it is SO good to hear that it shows!

-Green Zone, with Matt Damon, comes out on Friday. I'm so excited. Basically it's going to be Bourne 4....and I'm totally ok with that.

-And I'm a fan of old friendships getting rekindled. Not the bad ones that really just need to stay in the past...but the good ones that just kinda fell off. That's happening a lot lately and I love it. LOVE it!

Have a happy, trust-filled Tuesday!

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, o LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalm 9:10

full disclosure...

2010-03-08T15:41:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else just wish they could freeze time and say what they need to say? I mean, really. How great would it be to just get it off your chest. Am I alone in this? Is it just me?

Maybe it is.

I just know that I have so many things I'd love to say to people. Not all bad things...just things that common sense and self-control won't let out. I know how to keep my mouth shut. I'm not actually going to say any of them....but I still wish I could.

"I can't figure out why we're not friends anymore."

"Remember when (insert situation)...that really hurt my feelings."

"Remember when (insert situation)...that meant more to me than you'll ever know."

"I don't even know who you are."

"I can't figure out where I stand with you. One day everything's fine....then the next I feel like I did something wrong."

"I'm pretty sure that we would be perfect together....too bad you don't see that."

"You changed my entire way of thinking....I've yet to decide how I feel about that."

See.

It would feel good to say those things. It would be great to get them off my chest, BUT only if the person didn't actually hear me. If they did, in fact, hear me...I would turn 48 shades of red from head to toe, run away, hide, and cry...and cry...and cry. Because some things aren't supposed to be said. Some things aren't meant to be put into words. They're just supposed to be felt. Felt and kept inside. Or scribbled passionately in a journal. Or violently screamed into a pillow. Or whispered in a prayer of surrender.

I'm so grateful that the God that controls the universe also controls my heart and my tongue. And even though I can't say all the things I want to...He hears them just the same.

13 days till the bestie comes

2010-03-02T11:30:00.001-06:00

Can I just say....that I need Spring Break?

I mean really....this girl is checked. out. Today during class, I sorted through 600 emails and labeled them all by category. I'm not motivated. I'm not focused. I'm out.

And impatient. :)

My best friend in the world will be here in 13 days!

Next Monday I will pick her up at the airport and Bestie Week will begin! To say I'm excited, would me an understatement of enormous proportions. We haven't had 5 straight days together....in a looooooooooong time. I absolutely cannot wait!

So far, these stops/plans are on our list:

1. Rodeo!!!! We're seeing Lady Antebellum on the 15th!
2. Photo session with Sarah! In almost 10 years of friendship, the only pictures we have, we've taken ourselves...it's time to change that!
3. The Book Stop! It's a Barnes and Nobles...nothing special....except for the fact that it's in an old movie theater...which makes it amazing!
4. Fioza's.....amazing coffee place :)
5. Taste of Texas :)
6. cupcakes
7. James Franco marathon! (we always do this...he's not really even our favorite persay, but the tradition has stuck)
8. homemade enchiladas...mmm :)

and I'm sure there's more I just can't remember.

Any suggestions you think I should add to our list?

Update!

2010-02-15T10:24:00.000-06:00

I just thought I would inform all you blurkers* that after one week with my water water water mindset, healthier food choices, and Alli........

drum roll please

I lost four pounds!

It's a small amount in the scheme of things, but I'm pretty stinkin' excited!

*And yes, I called you blurkers. Blog. Lurkers. Because I'm well aware that you read my blog and just never say anything....but I know you're there. I have my ways ;)

Make that 5 people from high school getting married...

2010-02-14T22:04:00.000-06:00

It's just too much.

Slow down, Sister! You're not ready for that.

2010-02-11T17:16:00.001-06:00

I’m shocked right now. Not in a bad way, just in an “I really don’t have a clue how I feel about this!” kind of way.

Today I realized that three of my friends from high school are engaged. Three might not seem like a big number to you, but I graduated with a class of 85. Three’s a big deal. Oh and did I mention we graduated in 2007? That was two and a half years ago. We’re twenty/twenty-one years old!

***Disclaimer: I am in no way knocking any of these girls for being engaged, nor am I gawking at anyone who got married before they were thirty. I’m just realizing, rather shockingly, how I am so not ready to get married.

Upon realization of Person Getting Married #1, I immediately sent a text to my best friend telling her that it made me feel old. She responded by adding to the list Persons Getting Married #2 and #3. To that I said, and I quote: “Holy crap! How did I miss this? Can we PLEASE be the last ones to get married?...I NEED MORE TIME!” She quickly did some facebook stalking (She’s my best friend. That’s her job!) and assured me that we have several other friends in serious relationships so we have plenty of time. I feel slightly relieved but still, I can’t wrap my mind around this!

I’m only twenty years old. I’ll graduate in December, but that’s even a semester earlier than expected. I don’t have a clue what will come after that. Go to seminary? Find a job? I don’t know… I mean, seriously, I just figured out two days ago what I’m doing this summer!

The thought of being engaged and then married six months from now seriously makes my stomach turn. And we’re not talking butterflies. I’m not ready to be around one person that much. I like my alone time. I need my alone time. Basically, I'm selfish...and I still need to grow out of that - no, I just need to flat out change that. There is no way that I could handle making important, future-impacting decisions with someone. There’s still stuff I need to do. There’s still stuff I need to learn. I know I’ll never know everything I need to. I know I’ll never have enough money or enough patience or enough confidence or whatever, but surely I could have more than I have right now.

It’s not like I think I’ll never get married. In fact, if today I knew with 100% certainty that I loved someone completely and thought I was remotely ready, I would probably have a totally different outlook; but the fact of the matter is I don’t, nor do I even have a glimpse of what that would feel like, and I know I’m not ready, so the idea mortifies me.

I’m not even totally comfortable with the thought of getting married in five years! Five years ago I was fifteen years old. That doesn't feel like that long ago. Maybe by the time I’m thirty…yeah…maybe by then.

this girl's about to get honest.

2010-02-08T15:59:00.000-06:00

I want to lose weight.

How much?

Well....a lot.

I've wanted to for a long time, but there were several reasons why I never really got around to it:

-I was busy. (lame excuse)

-My sweet friends always said things like, "You don't need to lose weight. You're fine just like you are. No one thinks you're overweight." (thanks for the encouragement...but you're lying!)

-My struggles with weight aren't all my fault. Growing up I had a lot of health issues and had to take a lot of Prednisone. What I had been told would make me "puffy" ended up being a much...well, bigger problem. I've justified my weight issues with the knowledge that I didn't start them. (But I can sure as heck finish them)

-I'm one of those people that, if I can't do it to perfection, I just don't do it all. I've been so scared that I would set a goal and never reach it that I just avoided it all together. (Again, lame excuse)

So now I'm going to do it. I am. It's happening, and there's several reasons for that too:

-I'm tired. ALL the time. I don't feel good. I don't have energy. I want to feel good.

-I would like to be able to buy jeans like a normal person. Cute ones. Gap ones. Express ones. Any ones really...just something other than what I've been stuck with.

-Did you know that for every 10 pounds you're overweight, your fertility percentage drops?....Yeah, I want babies. (someday.......faaaaaar from now)

-I don't want diabetes.

-I don't want heart problems.

-I don't want to die any sooner than necessary just because I didn't have the gumption to get up and change it.

-I want to look pretty...feel pretty...for my maybe/someday/one day husband. I know he'll love me so he'll think I'm beautiful. I know that no matter how I look, I'm still going to have insecurities about my body. I'm a girl...it's what we do. I can, at least, help the situation a little though.

So here's my steps.

1. water. water. water. and only water. (and sometimes coffee!)

2. eating healthier. (which will be difficult since my only chance of survival is in the form of nasty, disgusting dorm food...but I'm determined!) better food choices. smaller portions. healthier.

3. exercise. at least 4 times a week.

4. Alli. Ultimate accountability in a safe, effective supplement. (I promise...I've checked. And read....and read....and read.) Eat one thing you shouldn't....this little blue pill will make you pay; and I don't want that!

And I need your help!

Yes....you!

Every week, I'll post a blog about my progress and level of commitment for that week. If I'm not posting or if my posts reflect that I'm failing miserably, TELL ME!

And please pray for me! I've been told by a friend currently using Alli that the first three weeks can be summed up in three words:

Bloated.
Stretchy.
Pants.

This should be....fun?

Day One

2010-02-08T12:38:00.000-06:00

Ok. So today marks my first day taking Alli.

I'll post soon explaining all my reasons why and whatnot.

For now, let's just say I've never drank so much water or been so aware of the food I'm putting in my mouth.

This is going to be a good thing!

decisions, decisions

2010-01-20T17:04:00.000-06:00

Why in the world are there 68 different kinds of Band-Aids to choose from? I want one that sticks. Is it too much to ask for the Band-Aid fairies to narrow it down for me? I mean, come on, a girl's got enough decisions to make without wondering which brand has better adhesive. Plastic or fabric? Medicated or not medicated?

Just tell me which one works the best. That's the one I want.

Imagine you walk into (insert your store of choice here, personally I'm saying Target), and make your way down the aisle, channeling all of your will power to walk past the makeup and school supply sections without stopping. You turn down the First Aid aisle, prepared to spend the next 30 minutes picking the box of perfect Band-Aids, when to your delight and surprise, every box bears a label that tells you exactly how they, as a bandage, perform. "I fall off after ten minutes." "I can't handle getting wet." "I have attachment issues. I'm going to leave that nasty, gummy residue on you for weeks." "I'll give you an allergic reaction." And so on. You read all of the labels until you set your eyes on a single box on the top shelf. You catch your breath. Music plays. A follow-spot shines down out of nowhere. The label reads:

"I'm perfect. Pick me. I am the Band-Aid of your dreams. I'll stick on as long as you need me to, but I come off easily. I'll help heal you quickly. I am the perfect Band-Aid."

I....wish.

Too bad every single box of Band-Aids promises the same thing. Just pick a box. They'll all pretty much get the job done.

It's easy to make choices when one of the options is blatantly wrong, but when either one would work out fine...how do you decide? What are you supposed to do when both options are good?

Feel free to help a sister out. Really, please do.

Wingwoman to the Rescue....

2010-01-19T23:01:00.000-06:00

So there's a great, inspiring, deep (maybe) post in the works, but until then....

A guy just asked me to be his wingman...er...woman.

Seriously?

Please tell me I'm not going to be that girl.

I think a movie night and ice cream with my best friend could remedy this.

Or a book and bubble bath in a non-dorm bathtub.

Neither of those are options, though, so instead I'm going to curl up in bed and pray that God helps me be the best darn wingwoman I can be. (In an edifying, uplifting, encouraging, prayerful kind of way)

Lord, help me be content with being that girl.

busted.

2010-01-09T19:27:00.001-06:00

It's January 9th.

I haven't posted anything since November 17th.

...

Oops?

But don't worry...I'm on it ;)

my league of extraordinary gentlemen...

2009-11-17T11:54:00.000-06:00

This has been a really good couple of weeks...and that always leads to really obvious realizations for me. This week's?:

I have some pretty amazing men in my life.

1. I have a Daddy that has set aside special time for me since I was little. Tea parties at my Little Tikes kitchen, picnics in my playhouse, rides on the riding lawnmower, our exclusive Bourne trilogy dates, encouraging notes in the mail, pre-ordered flowers that show up halfway through his Africa trips, long phone conversations on anything from flirting to finances to faith. He's such a good daddy. He loves the Lord. He loves me. He takes care of me. I've realized lately that my relationship with him is an exception to the rule...not many girls have a relationship with their father like the one I have with mine, not many girls have a dad that doesn't complicate their view of God as their Father. I'm so blessed to have him.

2. I have a brother who graciously let me hang around and claim his as my best friend until I found another one. Poor guy, put up with his ten-years-younger little sister for a looooong time. He's taken care of me, hurt with me, protected me and prayed for me. He's my brother...and everything that comes with that.

3. My great-uncle, referred to by all of us as Uncle Buddy, was an amazing example of faith. He was funny, lovable, and fully committed to the Lord. He was crazy about his wife, and when she passed away, he couldn't wait to get to Heaven and spend eternity worshipping God with her.

4. I have the greatest brother-in-law ever. Seriously...jackpot. He loves my sister. He loves our family. He loooooves the Lord. I have known him for....65% of my life. He's pretty much just my brother...no in-law needed. I used to be horrified of him. He was sooooooo tall and sooooooo scary. He's still tall....but he's not so scary anymore. He's pretty good at the brother stuff too. When I was ten he sent me flowers after one of my surgeries. A couple summers ago, when I was literally trapped in an uncomfortable situation, he'd call periodically and check on me, reminding me that if I needed him to come get me, all I had to do was call and say "The eagle flies west on Tuesday"...and he would come. His love for connecting students to the Truth and the life found only in Christ is contagious. He's shown me how to serve God even when your situation's not what the way you wanted or expected.

5. This summer I, along with two of my friends, Brittany and Lindsay, invaded the Kiser space! Chris and Becky were so generous to share their home with us for the summer. They were an answered prayer for all us! If you haven't heard me talk about how much I love Becky...you don't know me at all :), but Chris has become such a great influence in my life as well. I got to see firsthand the way he loves the Lord, loves his wife, and loves his friends. I was so encouraged and challenged by the man of God that he is to be more intentional in my relationships with people. He challenged me to take small choices seriously and to use all of my time to its full potential.

6. I have a small, but priceless, handful of friends that I am blessed to call my brothers. I trust them and know that when they say they're praying for me....they are. I know that when I'm frustrated with one of them...or they're frustrated with me...we'll figure it out. I love them and lift them up as my brothers. They love me and take care of me as their sister. I always wanted "brothers" like this...and I'm so blessed to have them. And when I get those texts that say "I'm praying for you sis," it makes my day....because I know I can believe every word.

So yes....I have some pretty amazing men in my life...

They paint me such an intricate picture of what a man of God looks like. They constantly provide encouragement for me....silently reminding me that my patience isn't pointless. They reassure me that I won't be compromising anything by someday submitting to my husband, but instead gaining so much more. They challenge me and protect me, reprimand me and build me up. They each add so much to who I am.

In a world where so many women resent, and even hate men....

that's not my opinion at all.

It's a safe place!

2009-11-12T11:17:00.000-06:00

I'm not much of a risk taker...

I'm not a risk taker at all.

If it looks like it could break me, I don't do it.

I thought that only applied to skiing, skateboarding, bungee jumping, etc., but I was wrong.

I'm that way with everything.

If it looks like it could hurt my feelings, I don't do it.

If it looks like it could scare me, I don't do it.

If it looks like I could fail, I don't do it.

If it looks like it could hurt my heart....I don't risk it.

I'm not a risk taker.

I'm a chicken.

But I long to be brave.

When the college catalyst at church confronted me about leading a girls' small group this semester, my anti-risk taker walls went up. No thank you. Pass. Maybe later. That's not for me. The question for discussion that Sunday night in college group? Where are you risking in your life to show God and people that you trust Him? Oh.........but.........well........ok. So I held my breath and took the risk.....absolutely horrified the whole time.

I was scared that no one would pick my small group...but girls did!

I was worried that no one who signed up would actually come...but they did!

I was scared that they wouldn't keep coming...but they have!

It's been almost two months, and we're still working through Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. These girls still read, they still come, and they're still as amazing as they were on day one! Last night we met and went and to Starbucks to hang out and talk about our chapter. We hadn't been there two minutes before one of the girls (who tends to keep her information completely to herself) randomly and unprovoked, leaned forward in her chair and gave us a thirty-second summary about the emotional struggle she's had for the past few days.

I was shocked. I couldn't believe what was happening. I had hoped and prayed from the beginning that this small group would be a place where these girls felt comfortable enough to say what they needed to say, to ask for prayer, to be honest with each other. There was no guarantee that this would happen....it was a risk. We all took that risk together...

and it worked!

We have a safe place!

I'm not an official risk taker.

I'm still a chicken.

I'm no where near brave.

But I might be one tiny, little bitty, baby step closer

Happy Birthday Sister!

2009-10-29T14:27:00.000-05:00

Monday was my sweet sister's birthday! With she and my Daddy getting back from Africa that day, and school making me cRaZy, I didn't get to do this until now, but.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLLEEN!

And in honor of your birthday, here's 21 things I LOVE about you or have loved doing with you! By the way, it is 21 right? ;)

1. I LOVE that you always read to me when I was little...Chronicles of Narnia, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, The Polar Express (especially our favorite page about the "hot cocoa as thick and rich as melted chocolate bars"!)

2. I LOVE that you LOVE to take care of people: your guys, youth, kids, etc.

3. I LOVE that at least once a week, while putting on my makeup, I remember that I learned how from years of sitting on the bathroom counter and watching you do it

4. I LOVE when we talk and remember stories about Dad that make us laugh until we can't breathe! wwwWWhHAT?! (in his one-of-a-kind way)

5. I LOVE our haircut dates :)

6. I LOVE that you can't keep gifts a secret.

7. I LOVE that you were never big on the color pink, then you had all the boys, and now you love it!

8. I LOVE that you love investing in youth and love to see them grow spiritually.

9. I LOVE LOVE LOVE going to Bible study with you

10. I LOVE the time we watched A League of Their Own at your house in Brookshire, and cried our eyes out during that last game

11. I LOVE that we've always fought over who loves the other the most

12. I LOVE that we both have the same opinion of Matt Damon

13. I LOVE that I can talk to you on the phone for a long time...even though I hate talking on the phone.

14. I LOVE that no one else in our house would ever watch My Fair Lady with me but you

15. I LOVE the way I picked up on your ability to trip up stairs, your fear of birds, and your annoyance with mouth noises

16. I LOVE to see you being a mommy....and SUCH a good one!

17. I LOVE that you love your husband and stick with him

18. I LOVE that night at youth camp...you were pregnant with Joseph, and I had a headache. Dad brought me to you and Larry's cabin instead of going to worship and we sat on the couch for a long time with my hand on your tummy so I could feel him kick.

19. I LOVE that we're really different.

20. I LOVE that sometimes we're exactly the same.

21. I LOVE that you're my sister!

Happy birthday, big sister!

I LOVE you!

More.

Most.

Mostest.

new layout, new Michael Buble, an old movie, and a new patience

2009-10-10T16:03:00.000-05:00

I do believe that my blog has a bit of an identity crisis. It really cannot maintain the same look for more than a few months. We'll see how long this look lasts :)

Michael Buble released a new album, Crazy Love, yesterday!!!!

I absolutely love it! I ran by Target and picked it up last night and have not stopped listening to it. It bears the same title as the incredible book we're going through in small groups, so guess what we'll be listening to Wednesday night. ;)

I have watched Return to Me three times in the past two days. Ridiculous. Pathetic, I know. It's sooooo good though. If you haven't seen it, you must. It's cheesy and predictable, I'll warn you, but honestly, what quality chick flick isn't? I tried to tell myself yesterday afternoon (before popping it in for the third time) that it wasn't good for me to watch that much lovey dovey that many times. Of course, I didn't listen, and was swept off my feet yet again.

It wasn't bad for me though. It was surprisingly good.

See I'm the girl that cries randomly and unprovoked because I need a boyfriend. I crave that relationship and I often have myself convinced that if it doesn't happen soon, it never will. Watching this movie though (you'll have to see it to understand...and maybe even then it's just my crazy perception), I didn't feel that way at all. The way that he treats her is what I want. He's a grown man when he meets her and because of that he respects her and supports her and takes care of her and really loves her. He's grown up enough to know what he needs. And what he needs...is her.

I am not a grown up. I'm twenty years old. I'm a long way from knowing what, let alone who, I need. And he....whoever he is....isn't grown up enough to know that now either....and that's ok.

Because I want him to respect me and support me and take care of me and really love me. And if I have to wait fifteen years for that....it'll be ok.

(although fifteen might be pushing it....Lord, please grow my patience fruit!)

no call? no text?.....anything?

2009-09-15T18:45:00.000-05:00

First of all........

Thank you so much for the outpouring of wonderful, love-filled comments! Absolutely made. my. life! I don't even think I need 50.....27 made me just as thrilled :)

Now on to my thought for the day....er.....days!

I may be totally in left field. I could be terribly wrong. I mean really, I could have been extremely misinformed, but I was under the impression that when a boy asked for your number--not because you had class together and he might need to borrow notes and not even in the "oh-we're-friends-and-we-hang-out-all-the-time-so-I-should-probably-get-your-number" kind of way, but in a very flirtatious, elevator conversation, out of the blue, "hey, let me get your number" (with the smile.....ugh...that smile. You know the one.) kind of way-- and remember, I could still be wrong, but I really kinda thought he actually had the intention of USING IT!!!

Really? No call? No text?......anything?

Apparently....I misunderstood.

I mean I must have just been completely and utterly wrong. In every form of the word.

Or maybe I just imagined the whole thing?......

No.....that's not it. It happened.

And now he's walking around with that smile on his face and my number in his phone and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

The five year old in me wants to walk up, ask to borrow his phone (with some endearing story about how a bunny ran off with mine and dropped it in Friendship Pond), in which case he will gladly lend me his and I will proceed to dramatically delete my number (after all, he's not planning on using it), slide his phone closed with unnecessary force, let out an exasperated "Hmph!", make an exaggerated turn, and walk away.

But I won't. Reeealllllly, I won't. I promise. I want to....but I won't.

And instead of making a total fool of myself, I've just been thinking instead, and what I've been thinking is this:

This thing. This boy. This failure to communicate and follow through....

I've done it.

Granted, I have not asked a guy for his number and then failed to call or text him....I haven't asked a guy for his number....at all, actually; but I have failed miserably at communicating with someone that waits for me to call.

I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I'm a little embarrassed and a little curious as to what I did to make that guy not use my number. So I'm wondering...if the fact that I so often neglect communicating with God causes Him to feel the same way.

I mean, God in His greatness knows He did nothing to push me away. He only draws me closer. He doesn't need fellowship with me, but He wants it.

I'm going to survive if this guy never texts me, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't mind if he did. I don't need it, but I want it.

But boy and texting and smiles aside, how many times do I look to God and promise to call on Him, and then I just.....

don't

And I'm wondering if all the times I do that...if all the times I display good intentions and then fail to follow up, if He wonders what it's going to take to get and keep my attention. He knows what He did. He gave His Son. He gave up the One that meant most to Him, so that I could have the opportunity, the choice to call on Him....and so often I don't....and He's gotta wonder why.

There's really no conclusion. No end point. No pretty, wrap-up sentence. It's just what I've been thinking about.

And while I may not have an answer to all of this "wondering"....

I'm a lot less concerned with the inactivity of my cell phone.

one million readers, a small group success, and a God that just won't leave me alone

2009-09-10T21:31:00.000-05:00

On the epic best friend weekend (pictures soon to come!), I saw Julie & Julia. Let me just say, I have never been more inspired to be the author of the. best. blog. ever. Not even the best blog actually. Just a blog that a large number of people read. Imagine waking up to 50+ comments every morning. Um.......yes please!
But since we (and by we I mean myself and the five or so people that read this) know that that is simply not going to happen, I'm just going to pretend that I have one million readers that are dedicated enough to read my blog, but are just too busy to actually comment.

But hey, if you someday feel the urge to leave me fifty comments just to boost my self-confidence, I'm not going to stop you ;)

We had a small.GROUPS kick-off tonight for the three girls' small groups at HBU. I've been so scared that no one would want to come to my group, I was actually making myself sick. Seriously...I've been paranoid all week that I was going to be studying Crazy Love, by Francis Chan all alone for the semester. Not that that would be bad, I would still love to do it, but since I've already been feeling pretty lonely, I was really hoping for some sisters to grow with.

I had seven.....7.....SEVEN! sign up tonight! I'm so excited! Plus there are girls that weren't able to come tonight that are going to come once we get started going through the book next week! Praise the Lord. P...T...L.!

I can't wait to get the small group started and begin pouring over the Word and into these girls this semester!

I've been feeling miserable alone, out of place, and unwanted lately; and last Wednesday, this is what came in the mail:

Dear Hannah,
I am praying for you to have a great semester. Do not fret (Psalm 37) over the circumstances with your friends. They will come back around.
Keep your eyes open for someone who needs a friend. You probably are yet to meet your life's "best friend."
See you soon!
Love, Dad

I was desperate for a word. I needed a hug. I needed a friend. I needed to know that my Father hadn't left me all alone. And since my Heavenly Father knows my heart better than anyone, he sent me a message through my Daddy, the man that knows me better than anyone on earth. I sat there and cried. I'm sitting and crying now. My God knew what I needed. My God knows what I need.

and of course....since He is God, after all, He didnt' stop there....

I got another letter, on the same night. It was from me. During Daycation training at the beginning of the summer, all of the counselors had to write out a prayer, asking God to do His work in us and through us in the summer. Obviously, we all got our letter back in the mail at the end of the summer. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think mine just happened to get here last Wednesday. Near the end of the prayer, I read this:

Father, I pray that you would mesh Patcrick and I together as a team, Lord. Help us learn how to draw from each other and support each other. Help me respect and support him, encouraging and building him up as my brother-in-Christ and a warrior for You.

Funny, huh? how God chose that particular day to remind me that the guy that absolutely horrified me in May, is one of my good friends in September. My God knew what I needed. My God knows what I need.

and then.....there's more.....

I was sitting in my room, catching up on The Secret Life of the American Teenager :), when there was a knock on my door. It was one of the first year RAs and she said:

So......I have a question...It's an important question, but I don't know how to.....um.....well.....I don't know what to...nevermind. No, see.....I don't have a mentor, and I don't know if you would do that, but I wanted to ask if you would do that.....so.....would you do that?

um......YES? All of this on one of the worst days I've had. My God knew what I needed. My God knows what I need.

Man, He's good.

I sat there on my bed, with Amy and Ben fighting about something stupid on the tv in the background, and had Bible Study right there all by myself.

I guess I wasn't alone, huh, God?

It's like He smacked me (and not nicely, or gently....I mean He lovingly smacked me), and said, "Um.....you think?"

Oh...sorry.

And while I knew I was being spiritually corrected for wallowing in my own self-pity for feeling so neglected, I was being deeply reminded that my God just doesn't quit. He doesn't back off when I feel like throwing a fit. He will not leave me alone. He's going to send me person after person, letter after letter until I flat out can't ignore Him anymore.

And with that....another note slid under my door.

what to do?...

2009-08-31T15:19:00.001-05:00

Ok, so my best friend is coming to visit me this weekend! I could not be more excited!

I'm trying to come up with a list of fun things (that won't break the bank) for us to do so we're not just wandering around Houston aimlessly. We tend to wander :)

I'm at a loss though. I live here for crying out loud and I can't think of anything that's particularly exciting. So I need your help!

If you're from Houston, where are some of your favorite places to go or things to do?

If you're not from Houston, what would you want to do if you were visiting here for a few days?

Help a sister out, please! I'm at a total loss!

He's preparing my place...

2009-08-27T18:52:00.000-05:00

I hate the start of a new school year. HATE. IT.

I love buying new school supplies....that's the only joy I get out of that dreaded week in August. Other than that, though, I utterly detest going back.

It has nothing to do with having to go to class or homework. I really don't mind any of that. I enjoy it actually. The problem is I always feel like I lose my place over the summer. I feel like I've forgotten (and everyone else has forgotten) where I belong.

I'm all for change and improving and all that....but I miss knowing where I go, where I fit.

*insert real issue here*

I know I'm not supposed to fit. I'm called to more than that.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

I'm not supposed to fit in. I'm called to stand out. To be different. I shouldn't have a place I'm comfortable. I'm made for more than that. My God didn't call me to be comfortable. He called me to be consistent. It's hard to be the one that doesn't back down on what I believe. It's difficult to watch "friends" disappear because they don't like the way I don't see gray areas between serving God and serving self. It hurts when I have to walk away from the girls I've turned to for support and companionship because I won't sit around and read Cosmo with them....Let's be honest. Sometimes it's not what I want to do at all. But He called me to be more. He called me to be different.

This God that gathers my scattered pieces. This God that makes sense of me when I can't make sense of myself. This God that will come after me no matter how far I run. This God that's in this thing for keeps. This God that won't just fight for me, but equips me to fight. THIS GOD calls me to be different....and so different I shall be.

In John 14:2, Jesus tells His disciples, "There are many rooms in my Father's house. I wouldn't tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you." I feel like I'm out of place, like I can't find where I belong....because I don't belong. This is not my home. This is not my place. He has gone to prepare my place. So that I "may dwell in the house of the Lord...and gaze upon His beauty." (Psalm 27:4) That's my place. That's where I belong...and until that day comes....

I'm fine feeling a little out of place.

a rhyming revealing

2009-08-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

Tonight all of the Daycation staff are going out to dinner for an end of summer celebration! None of us knew where we were going though, and were all anxious to know our destination. Meredith and I got the assignment to come up with a clever way to reveal the big news, and this is what we came up with........

From June through to August, a Summer of fun.

With twenty-something counselors,

A job for everyone!

Monday through Friday, we work hard for our pay.

On this 3rd of August,

It's our turn to play!

We've looked all over town for just the right spot.

Is it here? Is it there?

Maybe so........Maybe not.

It could be barbecue, it could be Chinese.

It could even be a place with a giant mouse and cheese!

It has to be perfect. It's gotta be right!

Nothing less will do for this special night.

Should we eat? Should we putt?

Maybe go to Pizza Hut?

A full buffet and games to boot!

Two for one and plenty of food!

I think we've found a winner, don't you agree?

The best part is it's all for free!

Ok, don't worry, give me a break.

We know what you want is a big piece of steak.

Too bad that's expensive and we're on a budget.

How' bout a Happy Meal? A toy and some nuggets?

That's a great place! We can eat AND play!

Yes its the perfect spot for our special day!

So be there at 6:30, hungry and on time.

Follow the golden arches, you CANNOT be late!

You want to make sure you get a good plate!

Whatever you want, it's all up to you.

Just to be sure, so you know what to do.

We'll see you there. You don't want to miss it.

A great evening at..........

THE TASTE OF TEXAS!!!!!!!

We totally had everyone convinced we were going to McDonald's! It was UH-mazing! We're pretty proud of our clever little poem :)

And for anyone who has not had the pleasure of visiting Taste of Texas.....click here. You really....and I mean DESPERATELY need to go! :)

I know where my summer went! (and other somewhat inspired ramblings)

2009-07-28T16:29:00.000-05:00

I made a deal with my sweet sister, that we would blog once a week. We were both seriously lacking in our blogging efforts, and well, we don't like to lack! Colleen is doing a much better job than I am, though. It's July 28th, and I last blogged on July 2nd....yeah...I'm a little behind!

My summer is shutting down pretty soon. Daycation has kept me busy all summer, and I move back in to the dorms in less than two weeks, and school starts back up two weeks after that! In May, I made myself a promise that at the end of the summer, I wouldn't wonder where it went, and I'm not! I know exactly what I've done and I've loved it.

a. Daycation! I loved getting to spend this summer teaching kids about the Word of God! So much of what I know of God, I learned when I was young. So much of what has made my relationship with Him what it is today, comes from the faith that was instilled in me when I was the Daycation age. I was so excited to get to have that same kind of influence. It's been hard. I've been tired. But it's been worth it! Some days I go crazy, but I absolutely love these kids!

b. New friends! I've made new friends this summer and gotten to grow friendships that were barely beginning. It's been so good to see what God can do in the lives of people, through the lives of His people. Whether it's been roommates, accountability partners, coworkers, etc., I've relearned the power in relationships. I've remembered that they're not all bad, all the time. They just take work....LOTS of work.

But honestly (pardon my soapbox), without them wouldn't life just be a waste of time? As Christians we're called to fellowship with other believers and reach out to a world in darkness. So without relationships, we would be missing our purpose completely. This summer I've discovered what it really means to hold a friend accountable, how to be a support to my brothers in Christ, and how to persevere through relationships that I would rather set aside. I'm nowhere near perfectection, but I'd rather be working on my purpose and making somewhat of a mess, than waste my time avoiding the thing I was made to pursue.

c. Practicing His Presence. Wow. That's really the best word to describe the Bible study I was a part of this summer. The author and leader of the study, Tammie Head, was wonderful. Seriously. Sister spoke a WORD! In all the Bible studies, conferences, etc. I've participated in, I've never been so directly ushered straight in to His presence. Every Monday night was amazing! The homework was a load, but a wonderful one! Tonight is our last night together and I SO hate to see it come to a close.

d. Bingo Thursdays! Can I just say....that I love bingo. LOVE it! And I love the old people that go :)

e. Nothing beats the Astros in the summertime.

f. And nothing beats a zero-downtime summer to get a girl ready for a worse-than-zero-downtime school year! I miss HBU!

book the flight...

2009-07-02T17:16:00.000-05:00

I have picked the one place I absolutely MUST go. I don't care when. I don't care how. I'm going to Greece!

Monastery of St. John in Philerimos on the island of Rhodes

A picturesque twilight in Mykonos

The Theater at Epidaurus

in Paros

Parthenon

It's official. I'm going.

I may as well be on my way :)

funny looking fruit...

2009-07-01T22:40:00.001-05:00

I got a completely random, totally unexpected text message last week that absolutely made my day, if not my month!
This precious girl who is without a doubt blessed with the gift of encouragement will never know how much her sweet words meant to me, but they spoke volumes to my heart, my self-esteem, and honestly, my ego (let's admit it. we all need a little pick-me-up once in a while!)
In the following days, I've been so attentive to the bits of encouragement I've received from other people, and been disappointed in how seldom I hand them out.
I'm very good at the girl game. And I mean VERY good! Basically, I'm a pro. You know what I'm talking about...."Oh, I love your dress!" "Thanks, I just threw it on. And by the way I love your purse. It's very unique!"......We all do it. Girl or not. Every time we receive a compliment or bit of encouragement, we're quick to explain it away and give with a (typically) insincere, yet seemingly kind, response.
Why do I need to wait for a compliment in order to give one? Why can't I just say "thank you" in response to the encouragement I receive?
I'm looking closely for opportunities to encourage others, and working alongside great Godly guys and girls this summer is offering countless chances. I want to be an encourager. I don't want to be known because of the compliments I can earn, but by the encouragement I give.

"Therefore, through Him let us continually offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, that is, the fruit of our lips that confess His name." Hebrews 13:15

The fruit of my lips is my speech, and far too often my fruit only bears resemblance to myself. I want my fruit to show that it comes from a tree that is rooted deeply in the Lord and reaches out to others, continually offering encouragement and always giving praise to the only One who's truly worthy.

Do you have any cool stories about times when encouragement you've received has been a blessing? Or maybe when you've been the encourager and been blessed in return? I'd love to hear!

blog blog blog....

2009-06-21T22:48:00.001-05:00

Ok, so here's the deal.
I'm still here, but I think I might have forgotten about the blog world for a little bit. :/ Forgive me, please?
Sad part is, though, I cannot for the life of me think of anything to blog about. So.....help a sister out? :)
Ideas please! Anything and Everything! I need some blogtastic inspiration!

Broken for You...

2009-04-12T23:55:00.000-05:00

In preparation for the Easter celebration, I attended the Broken for You service at Houston's First Baptist Church on Thursday night. This Lord's Supper service is a special time of reflection on Christ's sacrifice. Easter Sunday is for celebrating His resurrection....Broken for You is a time to dwell on the magnitude of His sacrificial love.

One of the songs we sang that night was "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." I've heard this song dozens of times before....but something about it struck me differently. Have you ever had one of those times? When something so familiar and comfortable....suddenly speaks to a hidden, untouched place in your heart? Dr. Greg Beale from Wheaton College once said, "Sometimes you need to comfort the afflicted, but other times you need to afflict the comforted." That's exactly what happened to me listening to the words of that song. Words and ideas I have been comfortable with and overlooked for so long completely broke my heart. His love is too extravagant to explain. His sacrifice far too great to comprehend. Nothing in me deserves anything He has to offer...and yet He gives it anyway. As I sat soaking in those words...God was seeking out the places in my heart that have yet to be completely His. Just when I thought I was doing so well....He shows me He can take me so much deeper. Praise His precious name. I'm all at once discovering the unimaginable depths of His redeeming, powerful, redemptive love. How deep the Father's love for us?....I'm finding out it's far deeper than I thought I already knew.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

a love like that...

2009-04-06T17:10:00.001-05:00

Every year, the church my parents attend holds a Spring Ladies' Banquet. This banquet has gone on for as long as I can remember. Ladies sign up to decorate tables and then women buy tickets to sit at specific tables. Whoever decorated the table hosts it, and her husband waits on the ladies that sit at that table. It's a very feminine, fun evening! Ever since I was little, I've loved to see what pretty, fun, and creative things end up on the tables!

I've never actually attended the Spring Ladies' Banquet (maybe one day I'll go!), but this year my mom hosted a table and told me the most precious story. There's an elderly woman in their church who is anxiously awaiting a lung transplant. However, her body is so small that finding lungs the right size is taking longer than expected. In the meantime, she has to remain in a low-germ-tolerance environment, and obviously could not come to the banquet. So....

Her precious husband came up to the church before the banquet started and took a picture of every table....of every different place setting....every detail and decoration. She couldn't come to the banquet, so he took the banquet to her. It may seem trivial or unimportant, but in that moment, with that action.....he couldn't have loved her more.

My heart is seriously a puddle. As impatient as I may be, I would happily wait forty years if I knew I'd have someone who would love me with a love like that...

praisin' Him right!

2009-03-29T14:39:00.000-05:00

When I get to come home for the weekend, I love to go with my parents to our home church. I love the people, teaching, fellowship, and comfort there, but my favorite thing isn't a thing at all...it's a person.

There is a precious little old lady that sits on the front row of the choir, right smack-dab in the middle. I cannot for the life of me ever remember her name, and she probably doesn't remember mine, but there is love there just the same. From the first note of the first song, to the very last note, she's on her feet, hands stretched up high. She sings her heart out, praising her God who gave her life, getting ever so ready for the day she'll see Him face to face. I cannot wait to see her praise Him in Heaven! She'll have to show us all how to do it up right!

uh-oh! I'm addicted!

2009-03-21T20:09:00.000-05:00

So I used to have a really cool program on my computer that I used to edit pictures, make collages, etc. But alas, my computer crashed and I have been without :(

BUT!!!! I found picnik! This is a great, FREE, online picture editing program that lets you do all sorts of fun stuff with your photos!

I love it!...and I'm afraid that after only a couple of days...I might already be addicted :)

Spring Break, Waiting, and Serving...

2009-03-19T13:15:00.000-05:00

I was so ready for Spring Break. Everyone has asked how school is, and honestly it really is great. Classes are good. I love everything I'm doing. The social aspect though....I would like to kick and run away from. I love all of my friends (so if you're reading this please don't be offended), but I think we can all agree that social interaction always gets old, no matter who it is. So 9 days to myself?....I was excited!

God had different plans though, and instead of leaving me at home to mope and depress myself, he blessed me beyond belief with the chance to minister to two groups of girls this week.

First, I got to help out with a Disciple Now in Bronte,TX (yeah look that place up....middle of nowhere!). I had nine sixth grade girls and we got NO sleep! We did, however, get to talk openly about things they were struggling with, hurt they were feeling, and fears they had. My heart absolutely broke for each and everyone of them. It was such a joy to share with them that even when everything in our lives seems against us, we can have hope in Christ. We're never alone. When we call His name, He is faithful to answer. He always answers.

Then I got to go home. And by home...I mean like FRIONA HOME! I was so excited. I had not seen my bestest most amazing friend in the entire world since JULY! It was about time for a visit. It always surprises me how no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other, or how long it's been since we've talked....nothing ever feels any different. I love her! I absolutely adore her. She's my person!

We got to help with a Pure Freedom retreat at the church we went to in Friona. (we both went to this retreat when we were in Jr. High!) With a group of Jr. High girls, we got to talk about the importance of purity and saving your "whole tomato" (your whole heart!) for your future husband. We even all made our "shopping list"! Everything from a heart for the Lord, mission-mindedness, and nice to his mom....all the way to dances, is adventureous, and wears cowboy boots! It was precious! This commitment to purity is something that every one there teaching is extremely passionate about. We had such a blast sharing our hearts with the girls.

One of the leaders shared "her story" and I know it's one I will not forget. She read from Genesis 24:12-21, as Abraham's servant has gone to the land of the Canaanites to find a wife for Isaac:

"Lord, God of my master Abraham," he prayed, "grant me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. I am standing here at the spring where the daughters of the men of the town are coming out to draw water. Let the girl to whom I say, "Please lower your water jug so that I may drink," and who responds, "Drink, and I'll water your camels also"--let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. By this I will know that You have shown kindess to my master."
"Before he had finished speaking, there was Rebekah--daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor--coming with a jug on her shoulder. Now the girl was very beautiful, a young woman who had not known a man intimately. She went down to the spring, filled her jug, and came up. Then the servant ran to meet her and said, "Please let me have a little water from your jug." She replied, "Drink, my Lord." She quickly lowered her jug to her hand and gave him a drink. When she had finished giving him a drink, she siad. "I'll also draw water for your camels until they have had enough to drink." She quickly emptied her jug into the trough and hurried the well again to draw water. She drew water for all his camels while the man silently watched her to see whether or not the LORD had made his journey a success."

Molly went on to explain how much this passage meant to her, and as she spoke, it took on new meaning for me. She said that just like Abraham's servant was observing the Canaanite women to find one who would serve him, one that would be a suitable wife for Isaac, someday she too will be observed. When that day comes, she wants her future husband to see her hard at work for the Lord, serving Him and serving others. I love this....and from here forward, I'm stealing her story :) I watched Bride Wars the other day and in it someone says that "women are dead until they're wedding day." We live in a society that agrees with this, but I know that's not true. I don't want the time from now until I get married to be wasted. I want to give my life away. I want to use this time to serve God and serve others....and someday when he comes, if he comes....that's where he'll find me: serving and worshipping the One who first stole my heart.

Molly paired this passage with the song by John Waller, "While I'm Waiting". Before then, I had always thought of Fireproof when I heard this song, but in a different light, the words spoke so clearly to me on something totally different. Forget the movie, read the words, and listen for the Lord. You might be surprised what He'll say.

While I'm Waiting (by John Waller)

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Snuggly pink blankets and the stillness of the morning...

2009-03-08T15:06:00.000-05:00

There has been so much going on in my life lately...frustration, exhaustion, worry, anger- none of it good, and definitely not of the Lord. I've been tired...and tired of everything. I needed to be home. I knew that nothing else would help...I had to get home. So, on Friday afternoon I took off from school and drove home! This weekend has been like one continuous "spa getaway" from God. He has rejuvenated and refreshed me in so many ways...

Friday night was the GA sleepover which was a blast! I had a ton of fun with the girls and loved getting to share with them how being in GAs when I was little led me to be involved in missions now! I loved having that time with the girls.

Saturday was pretty rough. We suffered a loss in one of my sibling-in-love's families, so it was not an easy day. I spent most of the day with my parents, running around doing necessary errands...but it was time with them, which I desperately needed. (Talks on the phone only do so much...sometimes I just need to be able to see and touch them) Then we ended up at my sister's house for dinner, where I got to snuggle with the baby and giggle with my lovely big sister about pedicure and haircut dates, and about how we almost have matching jackets...love her! By the end of the night I had all three of the bigger boys cuddled up with me on the couch, covered up with the coveted pink blanket, watching High School Musical 3. I was in heaven. Riding in the car on the way home, I smelled something peculiar. It was an interesting combination of baby scent and sweaty little boy. I put my head down and sniffed my hoodie....mmhmm....it was me :) I'm not sure if it stunk or actually smelled as good as I thought it did, but I had a hard time releasing it to the laundry pile.

This morning I woke up to get ready for church and seriously could not have taken any longer. For some reason, I moved at the absolute slowest pace possible. By the time I was finally ready, I knew I'd be fifteen minutes late to Sunday School...at least. I hate walking in late...so I just decided to wait and just go for church. Of course, that left me with an hour of nothing to do....until I realized....it was quiet. Not just quiet. It was silent. In a suite full of college girls, in a building full of college girls....it is never silent. At 4 am, it's not even silent.

I recalled the words of Melissa Fitzpatrick, "There is no other book like it. When you sit on your couch with your Bible in your lap, you are a witness to a miracle. This miracle is called Divine Revelation." (you can read that blog post here) So that's just what I did. I grabbed my Bible, cherished the silence, and savored every syllable of His divine Word. God speaks in a variety of ways. Sometimes He uses other people. Sometimes His voice is in a song or a situation....and sometimes, like this morning, He speaks in the stillness. In the secret, sacred, intimate quiet of complete silence.

I've needed rest, and He gave me rest. I've needed to feel the love of people that I love, and He let me snuggle with them and a pink blanket all weekend. But most importantly, He quieted my heart and showed me how to rest in His love... and there's nothing on earth like it....not even a treasured pink blanket...

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." Leviticus 3:22-26

"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32:17

A Daddy-Daughter Mission Date!

2009-03-02T22:51:00.000-06:00

Ok, so how many of you have ever heard of GA's?!

I spent the entirety of my childhood going to GA's, Girls in Action. From age four till about fourteen I was constantly involved in one way or another. The best way for me to describe it to you is that it's a lot like Girl Scouts, but while they sell cookies, we raise money for the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering, or the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. We learned all about missionaries in America and all over the world. We prayed for them and sent care packages, wrote letters and prayed some more! I absolutely loved it!

Plus, I loved my GA leader! LOVED her. LOVE her! She is, without a doubt, like my "other mother". She has prayed for me since she knew I existed, and I absolutely adore her! She was my sister's GA leader, then my brother's (yes, he didn't have anywhere to go but GIRLS in Action!), and then ten years later....she taught me! And she's still leading GA's today!

So I am oh so very excited because this weekend Mrs. Candy, my lovely "other mother" GA leader, is having a GA sleepover and I get to go!!!!!! My Daddy and I get to go together! He's telling the girls all about his mission involvement (Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe, Swaziland, Kenya, Romania, Belarus, etc.) on Friday night, and then I get to spend the night and talk about my Mexico and Moldova missions on Saturday morning! I'm so excited! My Daddy and I get to go talk about missions together and I get to be a GA again! I absolutely cannot wait!

Sex & Chocolate....He's Just Not That Into You

2009-02-22T02:57:00.000-06:00

Ok so first!...Last week at HBU, as Residence Life staff, we put on two events right before Valentine's day. For guys only!, there was Sex & Video Games: food, video games, and open conversation about relationships, sex, etc. For girls only!, there was Sex & Chocolate: chocolate bar, chocolate fountain, pretty tables, and lots of girl talk! :)

From what I hear, (I of course was not there since I am a girl and it was BOYS ONLY!), Sex & Video Games had a good turnout and a great discussion time with their panel! Like I said though...I can't really attest to much of what went on there. (and I'm not so sure I want to know!)

But I can talk about Sex & Chocolate! We had an awesome turnout! We didn't have a single empty table and the Q&A time with our panel was superb :) We had a very diverse panel of amazing women, all completely willing to share their hearts and horror stories with us for the evening.

I think that as girls, we have the tendency to head in the wrong direction whenever we have questions or concerns about things like relationships, dating, sex, etc. I know from personal experience,and from observing girls around me, that we always look horizontally. We stay at eye level and look for someone who is exactly like us, with the same personality, same age, same track record with relationships, same emotional maturity level, same spiritual maturity level...to give us advice. Why in the world do we think that will help? Seriously. What good is that going to do? This is where we run into trouble. We base every action and emotion and decision on the shallow word of some girl who knows no better than ourselves what should actually be done....then we end up in a mess and wonder how in the world we didn't see it coming. Hmm....go figure.

Participating in things like Sex & Chocolate or having good, Godly mentors is a great way to stay away from stupid advice and dumb decisions. Find someone older (not ancient necessarily, but with a few more years under their belt!). Find someone wiser. Find someone more rational and mature than you are! Find someone that can provide some spiritual guidance and encouragement! Friends just like you are great....but influential people with a little more experience can be great friends too. Plus, they give much better advice!

..............................................

On a different note, I saw He's Just Not That Into You a few weeks ago and since then have heard nothing but negative things about it from women I've been around. Now, granted, there were things in the movie that I thought were inappropriate, I'll just be honest and say that, for the most part, I completely disagree with the things I've heard. Don't stop reading just yet, please! Allow me to explain.

1. I in no way thought that they were communicating that it's ok to have a relationship with a married man because, who knows, maybe you're actually the one for him instead of his wife. Yeah, I didn't see that at all. The whole point of the movie was to show what goes wrong when, as women, we do the wrong things in relationships. I saw the whole Scarlett Johansson situation as a clear message saying: Do not even THINK about even attempting a relationship with a married man. That is a NO-zone. Not allowed. It will, without a doubt, end badly. It was a disaster example...at least that's how I saw it.

2. Ok. Jennifer Aniston and Ben Afleck. The way I saw it, all through the movie, Jennifer Aniston's character just wanted to get married. She wanted the title, not really the relationship. By her agreeing to love Ben Afleck's character even if he wouldn't marry her, I saw it as her finally realizing that she wanted him, not just the wedding. Of course, he proposes anyway, but she had to come to that realization before he could!

3. I also don't think that the movie was trying to communicate that all men are evil liars that will never commit and always be jerks.....I did, however, get that men aren't perfect, which, thank you for reminding me. I think that sometimes I forget. Men and women are different. Very different...and neither sex is perfect. Sometimes men act without thinking. Sometimes woment think too much and never act. We both have our faults....that's just the way it is.

Please, feel free to disagree. I did it first, after all. Tell me I'm crazy and insane...I can take it! :)

And let me add....this is by no means a favorite movie of mine. I'm not even sure that I would recommend anyone watch it before it's in the RedBox....it wasn't sensational. Apparently it didn't communicate anything positive to anyone but me....but hey, I'm willing to admit I'm a little unique!

my etsy favorites...

2009-02-13T19:35:00.000-06:00

These are just a few of the precious things I LOVE on Etsy!

these darling earrings and ring are available in tons of different styles from bethne3!

This cute clutch and others like it, but totally different! can be ordered from JohnMetBetty!

These notecards made from vintage magazine clippings are available from ArdethandBetty!

these pillows from olive are adorable and there are so many different designs! this postcard pillow can be custom made with your own message and address!

Rainboots!

2009-02-10T22:29:00.000-06:00

Today has been one of those days...the good ones!

It started with a fun girls' breakfast at IHOP with some girls from our HBU small group and our leader, Becky! It was great to get to have some girl time and chit-chat over pancakes!

God has been reminding me all day of the people in my life that I love and that love me completely--not that my joy comes from knowing I'm appreciated, but sometimes...you just NEED to KNOW! I totally got that today, and it was SO good! Praise God for His love that's shown in others!

I have been praying for a reason to wear my rainboots (blue with yellow polka dots! love them!) for a month. I was willing to settle for anything: hurricane, faulty sprinkler, overflowing bathtub...seriously. ANYTHING!

And it rained today!!!!

It drizzled most of the afternoon (which, by the way, is not good enough reason to wear rainboots, as I have been told. apparently, there have to be puddles...go figure!) and then....it really RAINED!!!! So I quickly donned my rainboots, and walked straight through all the puddles!

It could rain every day...I'd be thrilled :)

One last try!

2009-02-09T21:00:00.000-06:00

I'm giving blogging one last try! There's no telling how many times I've set a blog up, done about...two posts...and then given up. Hopefully this time will be a little different!

I guess I'll take this blog to explain the title: "Girl on a Mission..."

Missions is a big part of my life, a big part of my family. My dad is involved in full time missions, and even long before that, the responsibility to spread the Gospel was highly encouraged in our home. I grew up going to Girls in Action, giving to mission offerings, praying every day for the man or woman on the missions prayer calendar. With so much history there, it made sense to me when I felt God placing a burden on my heart for missions. It all fit together so well. (God does a good job of that doesn't He?...Surprises us and blows us away. Only He could get away with it!)

In my pursuit to live a mission minded life for Christ, I've learned several things:

1. We're all missionaries. Every single one of us. Whether you live in a hut in Honduras or a house in Houston, you're called by God to be a witness and a testimony to His name!

2. You don't need an airplane to get to a mission field. You don't even need a car. God may have placed a need in my heart to participate in missions, but I don't have to wait to "grow up" to do it. I don't even have to wait for a summer mission trip. I'm on a mission trip. I'm in a mission field. This thing He's called me to is NOW!

In The Great Commission we're told to "Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20, HCSB) It doesn't say "If you feel like it today, go make disciples." It doesn't say "If you get some fuzzy feeling, go make disciples." It doesn't even say "If you're willing to live in the middle of the Sahara, go make disciples." Jesus Christ's commission to us says "GO." Just GO! No room for discussion, no questions about it. Just go! Whether it's down the street or across the globe, GO!

So I'm on a mission! I'm constantly praying for God to use me in the mission field I'm in right now, with the people He's put me near right now! So you'll be hearing all about it!...among other things, I'm sure!

Much love in His name!